I really should be sleeping

I am scheduled to work at 5:30am, which is only 5.5 hours from now, which actually means I have a chance of getting 4.5 hours of sleep at the most at this point. I can't sleep when my husband isn't here. I hate night shifts! It's getting worse for me, trying to sleep and failing until the wee hours of the morning. Not simply because I miss him, but because of course I'm less secure when he's not sleeping next to me, and I really can't explain what other trouble it causes me. I just can't go to sleep until I'm super tired and I knock out hard. Sucks.

And in these wee hours I think and think and think...

I miss home (Seattle). I miss my cat, my family, my friends. I miss my favorite restaurants. I miss my sweat pants and thick blankets. I miss dancing on Wednesday nights, and rehearsing last minute for fun performances. I miss early Saturday meetings & bible studies that always run later than they're supposed to.

I try to deny these things. I can't. I don't want to be ungrateful for the life I have here. I mean, I live in a place that some people wait their whole lives to spend a week or retire here. There's sun, surf, beaches, ocean, palm trees, entertainment, culture. I will miss it when we go back, but home is home, and home is Seattle.

But while I'm here I should be savoring it and diving in. I got the beach and surf part down. And I'm tasting the best of O'ahu I'm sure. I need accountability to get involved in my church, community and some sort of dance scene.

Oh boy, now let's try and sleep...