First Birthday Party

Well it's happened: my son is 1-year old. A year ago (and one day) I held in my arms the most precious person I've ever met. He's changed and grown so much since that day. I guess I have a little too.

I wanted to make his first birthday party a party to remember. It would be the first kids party I throw, and an important one for my first and only son. I planned for a month: buying decorations, supplies, goodie bags, setting a menu, ordering and designing the cake, etc. But the party that took place was not the one laid out on my spreadsheet. There wasn't a column for snow and ice. There definitely wasn't a row for measles.

God had a different party planned. His spreadsheet did have snow and ice, which thankfully melted by this morning. His vision included Kole having measles, which also thankfully cleared up a lot by today. Unfortunately I lost a lot of invitees because of those things, and that was hard to swallow.

"No kids coming?? But God, I bought all this stuff for the goodie bags! And look at all this food!"

"Let me show you something." He replied. And that He did.

A wonderful handful of my friends came through, and a lot of family friends filled the house by the time I was finished decorating. Quality time, good conversation, bomb food, and lots of love to celebrate Kole - those were on my spreadsheet. Those are what matter the most.

I'm not gonna lie, I still feel some disappointment to miss out on seeing some people I love, but I'm glad to add to my life list of experiences where God edits my spreadsheet and the party is still a party.

I feel the clock ticking

It's less than three weeks until Kole's birthday and even less time until we'll be in leaving for Seattle. I'm feeling the pressure to get a million things done the way I want them to be done. I'm not always good at deadlines but I really do try most the time. Today I got a little bit done on a special guest book I'm getting printed for the party. I need to finish that and a video/slideshow too.

There really aren't enough hours in a day. We ran some errands at the mall and lost track of time. The boy got a late nap and was quite a challenge to put down for bed even though it was 2 hours past his normal bed time. Now it's late and I should be sleeping soon but I need to sort my upcoming tasks, jot down a couple lists of things we need, clean the kitchen and the living room...I should also fold the laundry buuuuut that will have to wait until tomorrow.

It's so true that a woman's work is never done, especially moms. I hope someday I'll learn to work the hours we're given. Until then I'll just keep living off minimal sleep.

Good night!

Blurrrrrrr

Our trip to Seattle was such a b l u r. I am amazed at how fast 10-days can go by. All the family is feeling it - a sort of sadness like it all ended too soon. A lot happened except for just being together. If only we could get together again sooner than later, but life is too demanding I guess.

I'm kind of back into the swing of things here in the islands. I have barely unpacked and haven't done any laundry, but like I said, life is swinging already. Both of us have been back to work and running errands and trying to spend our own quality time. I need that for sure.

As for Baby, he is growing. I feel it inside and out. I'm showing more consistently (not just after I eat), and I gained 5-pounds in Seattle which actually catches me up to be more of the weight I should be at by now. On Sunday I'll be 20-weeks a.k.a. 5-MONTHS pregnant! Time is flying, and it's sinking in how much our lives will be altered in just 4 short months. Whoa. I'm so thankful for all the love and support we're receiving from family and friends. Not only are we excited for our baby boy, but so many around us are sharing that excitement too and it feels good.

...still waiting for that first kick...

Not a vacation

This trip to Seattle has been nothing but on-the-go. From pre-wedding to day-of-wedding to post-wedding and even a surprise baby shower on the day of the wedding...I'm exhausted. I got mad love for all the family in town, and I actually wish for more down time together but that will have to wait for a reunion that doesn't revolve around the highly anticipated wedding of my hubby's sister.

[pic: our cake! made for us for the surprise baby shower]

The wedding was a lot of fun and surprisingly low stress on our end. We weren't in it (just the family procession) so I'm sure we missed any of those mishaps that weddings are famous for. Good food, lots of dancing, and almost no clean-up: awesome.

[pic: me and the bride]

My boo left yesterday, which was hard for me, but as I predicted I will only now begin to spend time with my own family. Thankfully they've been patient and understanding. One evening with my siblings and the baby shower with my friends is all I got left, besides the in between times while I'm chillin' at my mom's. Another blessing is that the newly married sister-in-law has granted me access to her car while they are honeymooning. Wish we had that freedom this whole time! But we survived.

Off to run errands with mama! :)

The latest

Just had my monthly check-in with my doctor and as usual I didn't get in the exam room for 45+ minutes after I got there and the reception girl was rude and incompetent as ever. Oh well... My doctor did apologize and seemed sincerely bothered I had been out there so long, but we wait an average of 20-30 minutes every time we've gone so I dunno. I always feel better after we get in there and get to talk about the baby and stuff.

I'm going to be 17-weeks along on Sunday. I've only gained 3-pounds but that's 2 in the last month so I guess I'm on the right track. Been spending a lot of time looking at boy names and researching meanings, popularity, sounding it out with our last name and potential middle names. Boys names are so hard! I could probably pick one, but my hubby and I have yet to agree. Good thing we have about 5-months to argue - I mean "decide". ;)

Trying to prepare for our visit home. We need to decide what we'll wear to the wedding and how to pack the stuff we're bringing back (like clothes we haven't worn since we moved here), and even trying to have a tentative itinerary with family and friends; all that fun stuff. I wish I could pack now haha but I don't want my stuff to get all musty staying in the suitcase too long or be perma-wrinkled. I'm just excited, well also anxious because our time is so divided; not only between both families - which is lopsided since there is a wedding on his side - but there are dear friends we would love to spend quality time with that I hope works out. I extended my stay which is gives me slightly more flexibility, but it also separates me from my love for 4 days. It's so hard to be apart from him. I'm glad we both feel that way after all this time though. That's a blessing I'll never take for granted.

♥

Feelin' the heat

So it's summer, but I'm heated from the inside out right now. I have been easily cold for the last 5 years or so that I can remember - not sure why, kinda thought it was cuz not enough insulation (i.e. meat on my bones). But whatever the reason, it's been annoying, especially when I lived in Seattle and I had to wear 2 pairs of pants at all times or suffer the shivers. No joke. Now that I'm in the islands I definitely have held a steadier temperature. I didn't even own shorts when I moved here!

When you are pregnant you're body is working overtime, so you give off more heat. I'm noticing this as the weather stays hotter this summer. Even my husband feels my heat and it gets to be too much for him at times. It's weird cuz I've always been the cold one, lol. I still get cold of course, but I always put my hair up lately because it keeps the heat flowing off my neck rather than trapping it. Also, I hate how my hair looks right now, which I plan to fix in Seattle when we visit in a few weeks. *phew*

I like weekend

My hubby was off this weekend, and that always makes for a good one. I got a couple random naps in on Saturday after having bad sleep for a few days prior. Apparently fluctuating hormones can cause some insomnia...greeeaaaaaat.

Sunday was awesome! I had to mentally prepare myself for a long day that I didn't wanna miss any part of. We started off with church. The series right now is about children and parenting, and what the Bible really has to say about it. We've been learning things we've never heard preached before and it's been good. And good timing since we're trying to start our family too. Youth group was different because we had planned an afternoon at Ala Moana with burgers, sun, beach - the good stuff. We picked up a few toppings and even though not many of the kids could actually make it, we had a great time. The weather was nice, with some occasional high winds but I still got my butt out in the water to swim eventually to get my exercise. I love hanging out with the kids! They're awesome.

Right after we met up with a couple from Seattle (one of which is actually from here). We've never got to spend much time with them but I'm so thankful we have now. We ate a lot of course and talked for hours. Just another aloha-life experience, hanging with people from home over here. I love it. I hope it's the start of a long friendship. :)

~ ~ ~

Just read some more Deuteronomy. This book is the most highly quoted by Jesus in the New Testament, so it's more than worth reading. I'm currently reading through the Bible chronologically, and I'm really glad it's opening my eyes to more of the Old Testament, which is often overlooked or skimmed by NT churches. I am learning a lot about just the path laid for Jesus' arrival and the things the Jews had to do according to the law, before grace. I'm soooooo thankful for grace. Not just because it got rid of burnt sacrifices but because of the whole picture and circumference of what it means to have grace. We are not bound by rituals or forced to be unclean until evening; we are cleansed by His blood, and that's our undeserved gift which we take for granted and barely even know how to receive. I want to receive it - every day, IN the moments, not after or just when I pray at night.

Time flies and yet it crawls

Just chillin' here on a Saturday after a lot of deep sleep - much needed. I always surprise myself with how much time passes between my blogs. I wish I would get on here ever couple days, but that turns into a week...or two....or more. That's the part where time flies.

The part where time crawls is when I'm anticipating things, like visiting Seattle. (Other things are in the works, but that will be revealed at a later time.) It's June already but we have almost 3 more months until we get to see our families and watch his sister get married. It's gonna be an eventful visit home, that's for sure. All his family will be there, and I've already notified my family that I'm going to be there at the end of August and I want to see each of them.

I am looking forward to summer here though too; warmer waters, better south shore swells. Yesterday was a fireworks display basically based right out past Queens break. We were out earlier and saw the boats, wondering what they were doing hanging out so close to shore. Later we were watching tv and started hearing the explosions, which was normal for a Friday night since the lu'au down the street has them every Friday, but this time we could see the flashes. We ran down - I didn't even take time to put slippers on, lol - and we made it to the beach to catch most of the show up close and personal. It was an awesome display, better than probably any show I've seen in person. There were a few kinds I had never seen before, even smiley faces. As we were about to walk home, there was a tourist family who asked for a picture to be taken so we did of course, but then got to talking with them for about half an hour just about there trip, where they were from, and what they should do for the rest of their stay here. Random, but awesome for sure. J and I aren't the most outgoing people, but I like when we step out of our shyness, even if it's brief.

♥ a hui hou

P.S. My gato has not come home or been found. This is a huge point of tension between me and my mom. Long story short, I don't want to give up, they do. :'(

The push and pull

I am in quite a funk. It started to really manifest on Saturday night (or morning) when I could not sleep. At first it was because my husband was so sick he couldn't breathe, so I was worried and constantly listening to him hack and blow his nose. We were out of theraflu and other cold meds so at 5:30am I offered to go to the store. I had been on my phone playing games for the last 3 hours so I realized I should help him. I felt so bad, he hadn't slept either, of course. So I got him the sudafed and theraflu, and he was eventually finally able to get some sleep. I on the other hand, still couldn't sleep, and was left with a dilemma: stay up the rest of the morning and go to church OR try to get a little sleep but risk not waking up once I'm out.

I tried to stay awake, because I know once I sleep, getting me up is a hard task. I went down to the coffee shop since my friend was working and helped out around the store. My boss came in and we all chatted and hung out for a bit. I ate a breakfast sandwich and it was one of those things that tasted better than usual because I was starving and borderline delirious. I went upstairs around 8am, but my mind was still up wanting to think and mull and play. By the time 9am was rolling around, I knew I should not drive. Jason was asleep and I decided it was time to force the issue and sleep. 9:30am.

I had another sleepless night last night. I didn't knock out until after 6am this time. This time it was pure mental madness. I had cried earlier about Turtle, since he's still missing and it's almost been 2 months. I still have some hope but as that shrinks it hurts, like it's my own flesh wasting away.

Being sad about that, on top of the fact that I'm missing my family terribly lately, just finally pushed out the tears. I am so torn between trying to visit all the time, to saving money. Or wishing for home, versus making my home here. But it's hard when I know we're gonna move back eventually; but sometimes I think I could stay longer, then other times I want to leave tomorrow. I know J wants to stay, even though we've always planned to go back. But then I have to consider his happiness too. Will he resent going back to Seattle? Will he resent me, and the kids we'll have? They're a big reason I want to go back - to raise them there, around our families, familiar territory, and better schools. Honestly, knowing Turtle isn't waiting for us not only breaks my heart, but that little part of my heart doesn't even wanna go back.

J was of course thrown off by my emotions, and wanted to know what the heck was going through my head. We talked, but I can't just relax. He knows what's on the agenda, and he says he'll cope living there again, but I don't want that. But am I coping here? We have a good life here, but it doesn't feel complete for me. There's so many deeper issues for him and even me, but this is the shell of it all. I'm glad we talk, and I'm glad he holds me even when he doesn't get me.

So what exactly is my problem...

Part of my mental swirl last night was trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. God is in control, so why am I trippin'? Am I trying to control? Am I fearing the unknown? Am I not accepting the cards He's dealt? Am I not being patient for answers to my questions? Am I pouring myself into things that don't have anything to do with pursuing God?


Yes.

I like being home

As cold and as rainy as it is here, I got mad love for Seattle. I honestly don't look forward to living in these temperatures again when we move back, but I am very happy to think of the day when I'll be closer to my family and friends again.

Our gathering on Tuesday was nice; very low key with just a few people. I got an absolutely beautiful memory scrapbook from my three close friends that I will treasure forever! It included pics and notes from many of my friends - I'm feelin' the love fo' sho'. I only wish more people could've come out to see us and/or that we had more time to make for those we haven't seen. *sighhhh*

We went shopping on Wednesday at Alderwood Mall. It's weird how even hometown malls are that much more nice to shop at, just knowing your surroundings better and how the stores are I guess.

We went snowboarding for the first time for me yesterday. We went to Steven's Pass; me, J, B, K, and Ai. I almost didn't go, but glad I did since the conditions were ideal for a beginner like me. It was cold enough for fresh snow to fall, but warm enough that I actually took off a couple layers - me (the cold one)! Had a good time, but of course I sucked. I may try again, but I'm content with just my surfing for now.

After cleaning up a bit, we met back at J's parents' house and watched American Idol auditions, followed by karaoke with the Magic Mic. As any good karaoke session goes, there was gut busting laughter and even some hoarse voices afterwards. I want a Magic Mic!! (**Magic Mic is a karaoke system where you punch in the song number from a directory, then you are scored on your performance - most commonly found in Filipino homes. J's mom brought one back from the Philippines. Yessssss!) To both mine and my husband's surprise, I sang a lot. I didn't give it my all, but I was audible and included some awesome dance moves. And even his sister and future brother-in-law really threw down and came out of their shells. I love it.

Just got my hair cut by my favorite (and currently, my only) hair stylist at 7 Salon. I can't imagine where I'd go with out her, lol. Tried and considered growing my hair, but it's back to the usual slightly bob cut, off my neck and framing my face.

Gotta finish up here, gonna go visit my sister and other family tonight. :)

Feels Like Home

Well, we're ending our first full day of visiting Seattle. It...is...cold. I forgot how cold you can be just walking to and from your car over here. My ears have been hurting since we got off the plane. Despite all this, as we drive around, everything feels like home. The familiarity of this city is comforting - and if I wasn't so cold, I would feel relaxed, lol.

The other side of it all is that Honolulu is also our home now. It's a home away from home. It's warm, and it's where we've lived, worked and played for more than 6-months now. (Feels like longer.) We're building relationships and routines that will be missed when we eventually do move back here to Seattle. And of course, nothing will replace surfing anytime we want.

The flight here this time was fast: 5 hours. Thank goodness. I like flying Hawaiian Air, nice experience. My parents picked us up right on time and we went and ate some good Mexican food up north. I loooove my tacos al carbon! The cats were happy to see us, as usual. Thankfully they aren't over us, cuz I still miss them a lot, especially TURTLE. He's the cutest ever. So sad to have to know I have to leave him again.

Got a visit from one of my besties today. She's recently engaged and I finally got to hear the whole proposal story - so excited for her wedding! Gonna see many more of my darlings on Tuesday for a gathering at my mom's, can't wait.

My mom and stepdad saved their tree and Christmas lights for us to see since we missed Christmas time over there. I like. J got to see their new house for the first time, and his sister's apartment. We're staying at his parents' house tonight, and will be snowboarding in the morning. I've never tried snowboarding or even skiing so it will all be new to me - keep me in your prayers! We'll have a good size group, and at least one other girl will be with me on the bunny slopes. :)

Restaurant list through tonight:

La Palmera, Everett

Red Robin, Seattle (Northgate Mall)

By this time tomorrow...

We'll be back visiting home town Seattle by this time tomorrow (hopefully sleeping at this exact hour, of course). I'm excited but that's not why I'm up. Just was packing tonight and spent some time chattin' it up with my friend that lives near by. Good times.

Apartment update: We got out of the lease for the bad apartment and are already moved in to the awesome apartment! God is so good to us, I am still amazed as if it's for the first time, lol. Praise 'em!

I really should sleep now. just wanted to share.

Good night.

**Happy New Year**

It's 2010! And obviously, the end of 2009 smacked me in the back of my head because I haven't made an entry since 11/16/09...yikes. So much has happened, but a here's a bullet-point update for now:

End of November

-Surfing small waves on south shores, prepared with snorkel gear in between sets.

-Watching big waves on North Shore (beaches closed at Waimea).

-Had Thanksgiving dinner with my boss and her family. I was so thankful she invited us and that J didn't end up having to work.

Pre-Christmas December:

-Billabong Girls' Surf Camp, Maui...that's a loaded one that I'll save for another time for a full explanation. Long story short, had a good time staying at The Ritz, meeting awesome women who surf, made some friends, surfed the most beautiful spot so far Honolua Bay.

-Returned from my trip to a house full of guests: 2 friends, 1 sister-in-law.

-Multiple santa hat surf sessions. :)

Christmas!

-Weird to be away from family during this holiday; I'm not a fan. But we had a good Christmas and God reminded me of just how important I am to Him through the little things.

-Spent Christmas Eve with J's family and Christmas day just the two of us after opening presents via webcam with my parents.

-A santa surf session until the sun went down, of course.

New apartment :(

-We just moved right before the end of December, because we were hoping to save a little and get a place that let's us bring our 5 surfboards inside. Too bad we got a place that turns out to have quite a bit of roaches. Currently we are trying to get out of our lease (after 3 days).

New Year's Eve

-J worked, so I went to Nanang's on my own until my friend came by to hang. (Funny story is that we graduated same high school same year, and ran into each other here about a month ago - small world.) Kalihi is bananas on New Years and it was awesome!

TODAY

-Went to church and I needed it! I'm feeling very discouraged because of our living situation. I woke up very negative. The youth pastor preached since our regular pastor was out sick and it was a timely message for both J and I - God just knows! :) Then had a good time with the youth, very refreshing as usual. I ask anyone who got to the end of this entry to join me in praying for another place to live and that our landlord will give us minimal hassle to get out of the lease we just signed. There is already a potential location that would be extremely ideal, but we're waiting to hear back if it's even available for rent.

Please, oh please, I hope, I hope...

I really should be sleeping

I am scheduled to work at 5:30am, which is only 5.5 hours from now, which actually means I have a chance of getting 4.5 hours of sleep at the most at this point. I can't sleep when my husband isn't here. I hate night shifts! It's getting worse for me, trying to sleep and failing until the wee hours of the morning. Not simply because I miss him, but because of course I'm less secure when he's not sleeping next to me, and I really can't explain what other trouble it causes me. I just can't go to sleep until I'm super tired and I knock out hard. Sucks.

And in these wee hours I think and think and think...

I miss home (Seattle). I miss my cat, my family, my friends. I miss my favorite restaurants. I miss my sweat pants and thick blankets. I miss dancing on Wednesday nights, and rehearsing last minute for fun performances. I miss early Saturday meetings & bible studies that always run later than they're supposed to.

I try to deny these things. I can't. I don't want to be ungrateful for the life I have here. I mean, I live in a place that some people wait their whole lives to spend a week or retire here. There's sun, surf, beaches, ocean, palm trees, entertainment, culture. I will miss it when we go back, but home is home, and home is Seattle.

But while I'm here I should be savoring it and diving in. I got the beach and surf part down. And I'm tasting the best of O'ahu I'm sure. I need accountability to get involved in my church, community and some sort of dance scene.

Oh boy, now let's try and sleep...

Hale, surf, dining in

Leaving Seattle was kind of hard again, but easier this second time around. Life is back in local motion here and I'm torn more than ever between my two worlds.

Been surfing the last two days and it's been sweeeeeeeet. It's quality time with my babe and the ocean. I'm getting better and feeling more confident, especially when it's minus the butthole surfers. Choice waves during sunset: mmmmm.

But the biggest news that is not news at all is that my hubby and I overspend on dining out. DURRRRR. We're at a point where we're feeling it and need to pull back for about a week until next payday or face overdrafting and/or transfer out of savings (which is the wrong way). Bad timing for our search for a nice new longboard...*sighhh.*

Surprise Seattle!

Well now that pretty much everyone knows I'm here (well, anyone that would actually be reading my blog), I am long over due for a blogging blabber.

*SuRpRiSe* I got in on Thurs evening and have only begun to relax today. From my first stop until noon today I've been surprising people - some in person, some by phone. I know it's silly to visit so soon after leaving, but for real, I miss home.

family+friends+pets

Home = __________________________

location

Don't get it twisted; I love Hawai'i. There's not a lot that I don't like, but my heart♥ is truly in Seattle. This is something I'm realizing even more now that I'm back. I don't regret moving and I will enjoy my time in Hawai'i to the fullest, because it's an awesome place to live. I will miss the surf, sun, beaches, ocean, heat, and vibe for sure. It's just that those things don't replace what I've built here in my hometown.

It's been slightly challenging to get around without my own car of course, but I'm doing what I can while I'm here. Please pray for logistics and that I can get everything and everyone into my schedule. If I didn't hate being away from my husband so much I'd stay longer, but he's what's missing from my joy right now.

I'm loving time with my cat and parents at their new house. That's been sweeeeeet. I'll be helping them paint in the next day or two - a heavy task but I like to paint, I just hope we can get most of it done while I'm here. Their house looks so nice with new hardwood floors (installed via my bro!). Makes me more excited for when we'll come back and buy our house. Mmm-hm.

I'll be visiting the in-laws tomorrow, so I'm glad for that too. I miss them! I'm blessed with the kindest, most loving in-laws I could have asked for. It'll be nice to catch up in person and watch Wow-wow-wee like old times. Hehe...

Well I'll have many pics to post on my recap of this visit home. Stay tuned!