See you at the crossroads...

I've known this day was coming. It's not like I could ever forget it. People have been talking about it on Facebook, reposting pictures. I don't know what was going on inside me that I went about my business, but this afternoon was when it all hit me.

Jamila Renea Alba passed away 1-year ago on July 7, 2009.

My niece. My brother's youngest daughter at the time. A 14-year old girl. Rest in peace, girl. We miss you more than words can express.

I honestly can't believe how much it still hurts when I really let it sink in. I'm extra hormonal right now, but I can feel the pain deep in my heart, not just the tears on my cheeks. And I can feel the pain from my family, who I'm so far away from right now. That doesn't make it easier.

As corny as it sounds, what really got through to me today was Bone-Thugs-n-Harmony's song, "Tha Crossroads." It made me think of all the unnecessary deaths in the hood and just that thug lifestyle; it made me thankful that I got my life straight and away from those situations. But I also was reminded how many people in my life I lost just last year, especially Jamila. I don't think I've cried this hard since it happened. It's amazing how love really doesn't die, so the pain when you lose someone you love never really dies either.