Grey Poison

For someone who believes in the Bible and that God's Word is the final word, life is black and white. Either your choices are ok with God, or they're not. Plain and simple. When you sin, we'll call that the black; when you choose to follow God, we'll call that white. But because we are all human and we do sin and we do make mistakes, we often live in this sort of grey area. We love God BUT we wanna sleep with our boyfriend BUT we go to church every Sunday and read our Bible BUT we fudge on our taxes to get more money back BUT we volunteer at the shelter BUT BUT BUT. God's truth doesn't have room for all those buts.

The grey area we try to hide in is poison to our soul. In the grey area we can convince ourselves that we're "a good person" and that it all pans out cuz I do some bad but I do more good. Salvation isn't a math equation where if GOOD > BAD then you're in the clear. The grey area is not black, but it's definitely not white. Grey is lukewarm and appalling to God.

Grey is where we trap ourselves in cycles of unhealthy behavior. We sin, then we feel bad, and tell ourselves we're damaged goods. We look on at the white area and think "I'll never achieve that." Then our bad decision becomes another and another then we're in a cycle; a lifestyle of sinful choices.

Got waits with open arms for us to step out of the grey. We have to gauge out the grey and not look back. We're guaranteed to sin again along the way but His Grace is sufficient, and it's readily available to the repentant. Thank goodness!

Bear fruit, not shame. Jesus didn't suffer and die for us to be grey. Change your heart. Change your life.

Little steps & Bad dreams

I woke up at 4:00am on my day off because I had a bad dream. Bad dreams, of the demonic kind, are not strangers to me. I've had a few that left me terrified to sleep for months at a time. The past few nights I've had bothersome dreams and weird dreams, but tonight was straight up scary. Long story short, my friend was being distant because she was being possessed - yeah, no good. So I woke myself up, and started reading my bible and praying out loud. That is the best way to recover from a nightmare. God does not ignore your request for His presence, and demons tremble at the name of Jesus.

I've been meaning to write about more progress with church and just our lives here in Hawai'i. I received a call about serving in the youth ministries at church since I filled out a card indicating that is my interest. It sounds like there is a need to someone to step in, and it makes me excited but scared at the same time. I know God has me here for a reason, but subconsciously I've been scared to fulfill that purpose. Have you ever been hesitant to take those first steps because you know it's a commitment and it's gonna be big? This is an occasional pattern in my life. Even if it's gonna be great, if it's gonna be big, I may take longer to dive in. And this isn't necessarily discernment, but more often out of fear. I'm growing.

I'll be meeting with the youth pastor next Sunday for more details and to begin getting involved. This week we'll be meeting with the worship leader and maybe his wife to hang and talk story. Hopefully we'll be joining their small group on Wednesdays as well. I'm excited to be moving forward in our walk together and our church; it's a new experience for us to share.

Well, I better try and get some more sleep...