Less than 4-months left

I sit and meditate more and more on how my life and our lives (mine and my husband's together) will change so drastically. The biggest part of me is excited and maybe even feels ready, but there are still those parts of me that are anxious and even sad to let go of the life we have now.

I love being able to spend as much time with J as I can. I know that time will be decreasing and will be different. What I'm confident in is that we are both committed to each other and our relationship; we're aware that it's going to be a struggle for quality time at times but our marriage is important enough to put that extra effort in.

I've known for a long time now that I want to be a mama. I actually have a good amount of confidence in my ability to be one (and the encouragement from my friends and family helps that feeling too). The parts I struggle with are teenage years and just that normal parent worry of "I want the best for my child"..."Will they make the right choices"..."How do I protect them without smothering them?"

Etc...etc...

I'm already a "mom" I guess. As soon as I wanted to become pregnant I had to change how I do things, how I think about things, what I plan my life around. I care for my coming child by what I eat, drink, and do or don't do; it's all about him. That's the difference for women though; we're mom's from conception. Guys get a little more adjustment period but I think it hits them even harder than us in some ways. Being motherly is more natural for women than for men most of the time. We get a head start being mama while the baby is still inside; he is daddy in an instant on the day the baby comes out.

From either side, it's big. I'm just so thankful I can share it all with the love of my life. ♥

Pregnant eyes

The things I see from pregnant eyes. The world is different these days - maybe I should say, the way the world interacts with me and the way I interpret the world is different I guess. People around us always have expectations of what we should or shouldn't do, look like, act like, feel like, or want, but it's a new set of "things" since I'm pregnant.

People expect I should be bigger. I must be smaller than the average 5-month pregnant lady (so I hear...every day). But really, I'm smaller than the average lady too! I don't take it personal but it's just one of those things you hear every time you talk to someone and it gets old sometimes. I'm only having one baby, and he's 75% Filipino; he probably won't be that big by the time he comes out either. Cute though, that's for sure.

Another thing I'm more conscious of is my wedding ring. I always want to wear it and don't like going out anytime without it, but with this baby bump I feel like I would be judged more harshly appear like I'm an unmarried pregnant girl (especially since I look so young). It makes me think of my friends or family that have babies outside of marriage and I can understand how they felt more so with all those eyes on them. I know not everyone cares, but it's just something that pops into my head these days.

I'm also body-conscious for the first time really in my life. I'm blessed to never have weight issues and even when I had a little extra I liked it and was (over)confident. I'm feeling better now that it's pretty obvious I'm pregnant and not sporting a full-on beer/nacho/pot belly. But deep down that goes back to me caring what people are thinking when they look at me. What if I do have a pot belly? What if I do drink a lot of beer? I dunno... The other thing is feeling good in my clothes. I have enough outfits for now that I can wear and feel good in. I love my clothes and I miss my jeans, but I'm proud to show off my growing baby boy. I just wanna be comfortable while doing it. Luckily I do have an amazing husband supporting me and encouraging me every day. He's seriously the best; more than I ever imagined. Thank you God!

Something more from my perspective is that I notice pregnant women every day. It's kinda like when you start driving a certain car, you notice how many of them are already on the road, haha. I like it though. It's like a sisterhood, like you're not alone and you can instantly relate to that woman in some way no matter how far along she is. It's nice when there's a couple of us at the beach too, cuz I think we can give each other the confidence to be out there, bellies and all.