Time flies and yet it crawls

Just chillin' here on a Saturday after a lot of deep sleep - much needed. I always surprise myself with how much time passes between my blogs. I wish I would get on here ever couple days, but that turns into a week...or two....or more. That's the part where time flies.

The part where time crawls is when I'm anticipating things, like visiting Seattle. (Other things are in the works, but that will be revealed at a later time.) It's June already but we have almost 3 more months until we get to see our families and watch his sister get married. It's gonna be an eventful visit home, that's for sure. All his family will be there, and I've already notified my family that I'm going to be there at the end of August and I want to see each of them.

I am looking forward to summer here though too; warmer waters, better south shore swells. Yesterday was a fireworks display basically based right out past Queens break. We were out earlier and saw the boats, wondering what they were doing hanging out so close to shore. Later we were watching tv and started hearing the explosions, which was normal for a Friday night since the lu'au down the street has them every Friday, but this time we could see the flashes. We ran down - I didn't even take time to put slippers on, lol - and we made it to the beach to catch most of the show up close and personal. It was an awesome display, better than probably any show I've seen in person. There were a few kinds I had never seen before, even smiley faces. As we were about to walk home, there was a tourist family who asked for a picture to be taken so we did of course, but then got to talking with them for about half an hour just about there trip, where they were from, and what they should do for the rest of their stay here. Random, but awesome for sure. J and I aren't the most outgoing people, but I like when we step out of our shyness, even if it's brief.

♥ a hui hou

P.S. My gato has not come home or been found. This is a huge point of tension between me and my mom. Long story short, I don't want to give up, they do. :'(

The push and pull

I am in quite a funk. It started to really manifest on Saturday night (or morning) when I could not sleep. At first it was because my husband was so sick he couldn't breathe, so I was worried and constantly listening to him hack and blow his nose. We were out of theraflu and other cold meds so at 5:30am I offered to go to the store. I had been on my phone playing games for the last 3 hours so I realized I should help him. I felt so bad, he hadn't slept either, of course. So I got him the sudafed and theraflu, and he was eventually finally able to get some sleep. I on the other hand, still couldn't sleep, and was left with a dilemma: stay up the rest of the morning and go to church OR try to get a little sleep but risk not waking up once I'm out.

I tried to stay awake, because I know once I sleep, getting me up is a hard task. I went down to the coffee shop since my friend was working and helped out around the store. My boss came in and we all chatted and hung out for a bit. I ate a breakfast sandwich and it was one of those things that tasted better than usual because I was starving and borderline delirious. I went upstairs around 8am, but my mind was still up wanting to think and mull and play. By the time 9am was rolling around, I knew I should not drive. Jason was asleep and I decided it was time to force the issue and sleep. 9:30am.

I had another sleepless night last night. I didn't knock out until after 6am this time. This time it was pure mental madness. I had cried earlier about Turtle, since he's still missing and it's almost been 2 months. I still have some hope but as that shrinks it hurts, like it's my own flesh wasting away.

Being sad about that, on top of the fact that I'm missing my family terribly lately, just finally pushed out the tears. I am so torn between trying to visit all the time, to saving money. Or wishing for home, versus making my home here. But it's hard when I know we're gonna move back eventually; but sometimes I think I could stay longer, then other times I want to leave tomorrow. I know J wants to stay, even though we've always planned to go back. But then I have to consider his happiness too. Will he resent going back to Seattle? Will he resent me, and the kids we'll have? They're a big reason I want to go back - to raise them there, around our families, familiar territory, and better schools. Honestly, knowing Turtle isn't waiting for us not only breaks my heart, but that little part of my heart doesn't even wanna go back.

J was of course thrown off by my emotions, and wanted to know what the heck was going through my head. We talked, but I can't just relax. He knows what's on the agenda, and he says he'll cope living there again, but I don't want that. But am I coping here? We have a good life here, but it doesn't feel complete for me. There's so many deeper issues for him and even me, but this is the shell of it all. I'm glad we talk, and I'm glad he holds me even when he doesn't get me.

So what exactly is my problem...

Part of my mental swirl last night was trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. God is in control, so why am I trippin'? Am I trying to control? Am I fearing the unknown? Am I not accepting the cards He's dealt? Am I not being patient for answers to my questions? Am I pouring myself into things that don't have anything to do with pursuing God?


Yes.

Feels Like Home

Well, we're ending our first full day of visiting Seattle. It...is...cold. I forgot how cold you can be just walking to and from your car over here. My ears have been hurting since we got off the plane. Despite all this, as we drive around, everything feels like home. The familiarity of this city is comforting - and if I wasn't so cold, I would feel relaxed, lol.

The other side of it all is that Honolulu is also our home now. It's a home away from home. It's warm, and it's where we've lived, worked and played for more than 6-months now. (Feels like longer.) We're building relationships and routines that will be missed when we eventually do move back here to Seattle. And of course, nothing will replace surfing anytime we want.

The flight here this time was fast: 5 hours. Thank goodness. I like flying Hawaiian Air, nice experience. My parents picked us up right on time and we went and ate some good Mexican food up north. I loooove my tacos al carbon! The cats were happy to see us, as usual. Thankfully they aren't over us, cuz I still miss them a lot, especially TURTLE. He's the cutest ever. So sad to have to know I have to leave him again.

Got a visit from one of my besties today. She's recently engaged and I finally got to hear the whole proposal story - so excited for her wedding! Gonna see many more of my darlings on Tuesday for a gathering at my mom's, can't wait.

My mom and stepdad saved their tree and Christmas lights for us to see since we missed Christmas time over there. I like. J got to see their new house for the first time, and his sister's apartment. We're staying at his parents' house tonight, and will be snowboarding in the morning. I've never tried snowboarding or even skiing so it will all be new to me - keep me in your prayers! We'll have a good size group, and at least one other girl will be with me on the bunny slopes. :)

Restaurant list through tonight:

La Palmera, Everett

Red Robin, Seattle (Northgate Mall)

2 awesome days at the beach

That is a video my hubby took when we visited Kailua Beach Park yesterday afternoon. Such a great spot there. We even saw a big ol' turtle when we went out past the mouth of that channel. So cool!. Of course, we love turtles. We pretty much scared it away by swimming towards it all excited...Sorry Mr. Turtle.

We hung out waterside, swam a little, walked in the shallow channel which had fishes and a little current. There were a lot of kids, but they were funny to watch, especially the ones that were new to the beach. The drive to and from had some pretty sights too [see pics below]. We've drove through the same area several times, but I'm usually car sick by then so this time was better for me.

That was yesterday...

Today was even cooler because we found a long board for me to surf (best for Waikiki, and best for new surfers). The guy is moving back to the mainland and was selling is 8-footer for only $100 - yes, that is a very good deal. We almost bought a new board at a good but not better price in Kailua surf shop but thank goodness we chose to shop around. A couple little patches of fiber glass and we were out surfing together, me and my honey. I caught waves on my own today and made it to a crouch on a wave. I always wait too long because I don't feel stable to stand when the board is moving so fast. But I'll get there! :D I don't have pics yet, but you know I will as soon as possible. 

We also stopped by Pearlridge Center today and picked up new swimsuits for us since neither of us had bought new ones for years. Got one for me that is much better suited for surfing - less moving parts and smoother seams. It's koo to get the kama'aina (i.e. local) prices at surf brand stores...hehe. 

Gotta work early, but wanted to share a summary of my exciting times. Good night friends ♥

 [rainbow from Felicia residual rain]

It's been funky

I have been in a sort of funk for the past week or so. I realized my fatigue was because I was about to get sick. Sick I was for 2-3 days. Of course, this was perfect timing for my new job. I've worked two shifts now, and things are going well. I like the atmosphere and I've worked with only 2 other co-workers so far (not counting my boss, and the girl who just had her last day). I'm anxious to finish all my training and get into a groove at work - y'know, when it flows and you don't have to think so hard about your every move.

I also can't wait until those paychecks start coming in...mm-hm...

I'm not sick anymore, but my congestion is either a lingering part of my illness or I'm going through some allergies or a/c is murdering my sinuses. We don't have a/c in our apartment, but it's almost everywhere else...bah.

I'm still feeling a little out of sorts emotionally/mentally but felt more at ease after getting outside and spending some quality time with my hubby at the beach and eating dinner tonight. We wanted Indian, but Maharani Indian Restaurant (awesome reviews) was packed and out of naan. We know to go there a little earlier and probably not on a Friday night. So we circled back to a Thai restaurant, Chiang-Mai, since I still haven't got my fix for that yet either. Sadly, the curry portions was sad, and overall the palette experience is not one we plan on repeating.

Our vacation club gives a certain number of points per year and 1/2 but ours are set to expire 8/31/09 - AH! We're trying to use them up asap, and are even willing to stay somewhere on the same island, just to not let them go to waste. Maui is our goal but we'll see. We're even considering selling them, it's just that it's very last minute for anyone who would be interested in buying of course. Guess we should've jumped on this sooner. Oops.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday and I wish I had been there. She did get my gifts I sent her on time though, which is always good because you never know about that usps. I wish I could use my time share points for a plane ticket home! Especially since my cat, Turtle, is now living at my mom's and after day-2 her cat is still a little aggressive towards mine. We'll need to have more patience with the lil animals, but I don't want it to escalate to an actual cat fight. So far, nothing dramatic, but my poor cat is definitely stressed out there so far. My poor baby!!

*Good night TV Land*

Worn out from a fun day

After observing a little bit this morning, and talking with the owner a lot, I am really excited to start working at this coffee shop. My new boss and I see eye-to-eye in many aspects of life and coffee. Very important and very FuN.

Met up with Hubby after and we went surfing. 1 rental board, 1 of his. It was a little windy for me, which made it colder and choppy (yes, I do get cold even outside here in Hawai'i). Good times, talked with a koo local surfer lady out there, maybe we'll see her again next time...

We went and ate lunch and Uncle's, then I felt the fatigue in my amateur arms start to set in. Took a nap while the boys got ready, then took those youngin's (9, 10, 18) to the beach with boogie boards and goggles. I watched them jump off the wall while I tried to save my skin from burning. Going to the beach once a day can be hard on my light skin, but twice made me a little worried. I'm ok though, no red today.

While they went to the pool, I made some chicken nuggets and brought 'em down. Then the boys & my boo played ping-pong while I began this blog upstairs.

I'm exhausted! But it was a great day. I love hanging with my boo and with the youngin's. I still have the motion of the ocean in my system so I'm actually kinda dizzy but nothing some chamomile can't calm I hope. I have orientation in the 9:00am, but since the 18-yr old youngin' will be staying the night, hopefully we'll still have time to wind down with a movie over here at our apartment...oh, and a snack too of course!

*Special note: It's my dear friends birthday back in Seattle, and I so wish I could be there to celebrate her life :) Happy Birthday J! Love you!*

...also, here's a pic of Turtle, sent to me today:

wow i miss this cat *sighhhhh