Prego blues

Feeling super whack. Pretty much just low. Week 35 has been the longest yet I think. I'm just getting more and more tired, which leaves me less than productive, which makes me stressed, which makes me more stressed cuz there's nothing I can really do about it. Sometimes coffee helps, sometimes not. I don't wanna drink a lot anyway. 

I wanna listen to my body and simply rest, but I have things I'd like to get done, and I have a 2-year old. He's a good boy but he has more energy than I can entertain these days. I feel bad I can't take him out like I used to, or even play as much or the way we used to. It's frustrating for him too, but probably more for me. 

I would really love a couple days to zone out, guilt free. Sleep whenever I feel the need, no cleaning or cooking, etc. I don't see that happening but it sounds nice. Even if life allowed it, I probably couldn't keep from feeling guilty about doing nothing. Boo.

36 weeks tomorrow. As lame as I feel I do pray she stays in at least another week, and comes out when she'll be most healthy.

35 weeks already!

Well even though my due date is a little over a month away, I'll be considered full term in less than 2 weeks. That is a trip. I have a sense of urgency like she could come any day from this point on. Never know, but I do hope we make it to 37 weeks for her sake (weight gain, development, etc). I have enough done that she could come and I might not freak out. Haha, might not.

My second pregnancy has been so different than the first. I'm blessed to have had few complications again, but I just feel more uncomfortable and I'm bigger. I know this cuz I've outgrown most the things I wore last time! I think I weigh about the same though, just more stretched out I guess. Having a 2-year old has made this harder too. I am beyond blessed that he's such a good kid. I can't imagine how it would be with a true rascal. Seeing him interact with my tummy, and get excited when she moves, and how he likes to look at her sonogram pictures warms my heart so deep. I believe he's gonna be such a great big brother! He already shows concern for her. One time when we went to see fireworks at Magic Island, once they started he looked back and said "Oh, baby" as if to check on her. Too sweet. Back in 2nd trimester I tried to wear my belly support (which I always forget now) but he would say "No! Baby!" all pull on it. I just love this kid. She will be one lucky lil lady.

She isn't short of extended family either. Our church ohana just threw us a shower and I didn't expect it. They definitely showed us the love, and I needed it. Been feeling a bit lonely, missing my friends on the mainland, and just having a friend to hang out with for no reason. But anyways, that's another story for another time. Thankful for the gifts and love from our people here for sure. 

Okay, time to rest my mushy brain til the boy wakes up.

How a fart stopped a fire

Really, it's true! It went like this...

I started the rice cooker a few minutes before my son and I went to take our nap. I knew we would be asleep when hubby woke up to go to work and might want some rice to go with whatever he eats. I do this all the time. I will never do it again.

This afternoon the boy was a little more resistant for his nap. He was rolling around, talking, and trying to play. At one point he said, "Big doo doo." I asked if he needed/wanted to use the potty, but no. I told him just sleep then. I was trying to sleep until I got a whif of something. Geez! The last thing I wanna do is clean up some poo; I'm ready to sleep. Why did you have to go now? 

I got up to get wipes since there were none in the room and immediately I could smell something burning. My first thought was, what are the neighbors cooking (or burning)? But it was so strong I got more curious and concerned, and went to investigate the kitchen. Did I leave something on? I hadn't even cooked since breakfast. Then I noticed the rice cooker was still switched to "cook" but it had been going for almost an hour by then and should be been on "warm." I gave the switch a little tap and it went to "warm." Too late buddy! The rice touching the pot was burning. I added some water to cool it faster but I have yet to see the mess it's created inside. This has never happened! I'm guessing we need a new rice cooker because it's not worth the risk.

When I went back to change that diaper, there was no poo! He must have just carte. But his fart averted a potential disaster! Hooray for timely flatulence! 

 

Letter to my son

Dear Baby Boy,

Can I still call you that? You are growing up every day. Bittersweet as I balance being proud and in awe of you, while trying to hold on to you as tight as I can. You're little sister will be here in a couple of months. Many things will change, I won't pretend they aren't. But you will always be a treasure and pleasure rooted deep in my heart. I love you to the stars and back; that will NEVER change. 

Here are some things I know may change but I don't want to forget...

The way you say "tubig-de" for tubig. We don't know why (and we should correct you more) but its way too cute.

Sometimes at night you hold my hand as you fall asleep. How do I ever let go??

You love the pool, the ocean, and your bath. If there is a puddle, you will stomp in it. If there is a fountain, you will wish you were in it. I love your love for water!

You're building your golf skills and I'm curious to see where it may take you in the future.

You are an eager helper, all day every day. I'm so impressed with your awareness of others and even how you take initiative to do chores on your own. 

Oh son, there's so much more. Every day with you is a blessing. I'm sorry I'm not always patient or understanding of your moods or actions. I pray you will always remember through it all that I love you fully and unconditionally.

Love,

Mommy

Happy New Year 2013

2012 felt like a 3-day weekend. How can a year pass so quickly? This past year, God has strengthened my heart to speak more boldly in love to and for my friends and family. He has grown my faith, because even as I meander along His straight and narrow path, He never turns His back on me for a second.

Cheers! To a 2013 filled with more growth and blessings we never saw coming.

Random rant in my head...

God gives me my good moments, and lets me have my bad moments. The Bible tells us, "He who has been forgiven much, loves much." It's so true. If we don't know grace or forgiveness, or learn how much we need it, we'll never give it and never feel truly loved - with all our flaws and faults.

Don't we do the same thing to our kids? We let them do things their way sometimes so they can learn or fail. If we do everything for them all the time they will neither learn, or learn to fail. In the same instance, we learn to let them fail, which can be hard as humans since we're shortsighted. Our initial response is to avoid sadness and negative feelings, but without those, we don't know how blessed happiness really is.

I have one amazing boy

We got his lil froggy potty and his potty seat (for the big potty) only a few weeks ago and he is doing better than I had already expected! He is impressing me for real. We have been doing part time elimination communication by giving him a little naked time every day (or at least no bottoms). He has been using his potty so well, going to it when he has to go. Of course we've had our accidents along the way, but more successes than set backs. Thank goodness for our tile floors! He's such a smart boy and I'm so thankful for his cooperation, and I'm just so proud of him.

All this is on the tail end of officially weaning him from nursing too. We went almost two years, but all good things must come to an end. I will definitely miss those times. Now look at this new journey we already started. Always bittersweet to see him growing up, but I never want to be too selfish and hold him back. I can feel that drag on my heart sometimes, but my deepest drive is to help him grow up and be there however he needs me.

I love this kid so much. He is one amazing boy.