3 + 1 = 4!

We are officially a family of 4. Almost a whole month has passed already. It's been a fairly smooth transition thanks to my wonderful familia. 

My hubby has been more than awesome, taking over most responsibilities here at home. I feel so loved and taken care of, and even spoiled! I am anxious for the day he goes back to work. I rely on him a lot and I don't have the most confidence in myself to do as good a job with the kids as we do together all day. Praying!

Our son (2 1/2) has been the absolute best big brother! We're so proud of him. From day 1 he has been sweet and helpful. What a blessing. It melts my heart when he hugs and kisses her all on his own. He gets a little overwhelmed sometimes when she cries, but still tries to calm her down. We're trying to make sure he gets time with me to maintain his security and continue to avoid jealousy. I miss him as much as he misses me though! We had a date night just me and him the other night; this will be a regular thing.

Our baby girl (almost 4 weeks) has been great too. She has been a much better sleeper than her big brother was, especially at night. This has made all the difference. I can feel sane if I'm getting a reasonable amount of rest. Sleep with a newborn around is always broken, but its amazing how good you can feel off spurts of 3-4 hours of sleep in a row. LOL 

She's putting on weight well and eating up a storm. I can tell she's growing every day. She's starting to have more awake time, and tracking us when we talk. It's all familiar, remembering how babies are, but kinda new at the same time.

How a fart stopped a fire

Really, it's true! It went like this...

I started the rice cooker a few minutes before my son and I went to take our nap. I knew we would be asleep when hubby woke up to go to work and might want some rice to go with whatever he eats. I do this all the time. I will never do it again.

This afternoon the boy was a little more resistant for his nap. He was rolling around, talking, and trying to play. At one point he said, "Big doo doo." I asked if he needed/wanted to use the potty, but no. I told him just sleep then. I was trying to sleep until I got a whif of something. Geez! The last thing I wanna do is clean up some poo; I'm ready to sleep. Why did you have to go now? 

I got up to get wipes since there were none in the room and immediately I could smell something burning. My first thought was, what are the neighbors cooking (or burning)? But it was so strong I got more curious and concerned, and went to investigate the kitchen. Did I leave something on? I hadn't even cooked since breakfast. Then I noticed the rice cooker was still switched to "cook" but it had been going for almost an hour by then and should be been on "warm." I gave the switch a little tap and it went to "warm." Too late buddy! The rice touching the pot was burning. I added some water to cool it faster but I have yet to see the mess it's created inside. This has never happened! I'm guessing we need a new rice cooker because it's not worth the risk.

When I went back to change that diaper, there was no poo! He must have just carte. But his fart averted a potential disaster! Hooray for timely flatulence! 

 

Letter to my son

Dear Baby Boy,

Can I still call you that? You are growing up every day. Bittersweet as I balance being proud and in awe of you, while trying to hold on to you as tight as I can. You're little sister will be here in a couple of months. Many things will change, I won't pretend they aren't. But you will always be a treasure and pleasure rooted deep in my heart. I love you to the stars and back; that will NEVER change. 

Here are some things I know may change but I don't want to forget...

The way you say "tubig-de" for tubig. We don't know why (and we should correct you more) but its way too cute.

Sometimes at night you hold my hand as you fall asleep. How do I ever let go??

You love the pool, the ocean, and your bath. If there is a puddle, you will stomp in it. If there is a fountain, you will wish you were in it. I love your love for water!

You're building your golf skills and I'm curious to see where it may take you in the future.

You are an eager helper, all day every day. I'm so impressed with your awareness of others and even how you take initiative to do chores on your own. 

Oh son, there's so much more. Every day with you is a blessing. I'm sorry I'm not always patient or understanding of your moods or actions. I pray you will always remember through it all that I love you fully and unconditionally.

Love,

Mommy

I have one amazing boy

We got his lil froggy potty and his potty seat (for the big potty) only a few weeks ago and he is doing better than I had already expected! He is impressing me for real. We have been doing part time elimination communication by giving him a little naked time every day (or at least no bottoms). He has been using his potty so well, going to it when he has to go. Of course we've had our accidents along the way, but more successes than set backs. Thank goodness for our tile floors! He's such a smart boy and I'm so thankful for his cooperation, and I'm just so proud of him.

All this is on the tail end of officially weaning him from nursing too. We went almost two years, but all good things must come to an end. I will definitely miss those times. Now look at this new journey we already started. Always bittersweet to see him growing up, but I never want to be too selfish and hold him back. I can feel that drag on my heart sometimes, but my deepest drive is to help him grow up and be there however he needs me.

I love this kid so much. He is one amazing boy.

Weaning

Well Kole is down to nursing only about 4 times per day now. It's a good thing cuz he seems to accept when I offer food rather than "mum-mums." i definitely don't offer anymore unless it's all we have while we're out. Today he didn't nurse from about 9am until 10pm. Luckily my body has adjusted to less feedings so I'm just going with the flow.

A part of me really didn't wanna quit breastfeeding. It's such a special time with him. Then another part of me is ready, I guess...kinda. I want him to be getting the most/best calories that he can and if that's not from me, then I am happy to feed him something else. I've rarely felt burdened by breastfeeding on demand. It's been a great thing for us and I hope I'm this successful with future children.

It's weaning for both of us; a new chapter in our relationship as he transitions to more of a separate person from Mama. Only the first of many things I'll have to let go of in his life as he grows up. *sigh*

The word I've longed to hear

Well, it's official: my baby boy is saying "mama" (to me/about me, rather than just babbling). He actually started the day after my last post. It was funny because at first he was saying "nanang" when he would see his great-grandma's picture, which I thought was super adorable, but then I started asking about "mama" too. If he had to identify anyone before mama, I'd gladly step aside to our Nanang - she is THE BEST.

Somehow now he won't say Nanang even when he sees her pic, but he is saying "mama" when he sees my picture and even sometimes to call me. He's still figuring out the whole call-and-response thing but it's still so cute to hear him say it. ♥

He's learning new things every other day, I swear. Babies are such sponges! He is imitating and interpreting sounds like coughs, groans, cars, clicks, all kinds of things. It's really cool to experience this growing mind and intellect.

He's standing a lot more these days too. Today he really wanted to stand a lot because he was trying to dance standing up, rather than doing the twist while sitting, or bouncing on his knees. I can't wait to dance with my boy!

While is also testing boundaries more often as well, it can't outweigh the joy and wonder he brings into our lives. Being a parent is a lot work (all day, every day), but it really is rewarding in countless intangible ways. I'd even say it's magical. Lord, help me to not take a moment for granted; I know they'll disappear like magic too.

Late-night thoughts on the boy

I just love my son so much. As his personality unfolds he never stops amazing me. He's already funny and silly at one year old. I love our little ways we communicate and play games with sounds. He's such a cool kid. I know our relationship will change and evolve over the years, of course, but my prayer is that we would always be close.

More than a K

He says I'm selfish, and that may be true. But how many of our decisions and desires for our children are indeed selfish?

Here's the deal...

Our son's name is Kole Kahelemeakua. It took a lot of arguing and discussion to arrive at this name. Kole (Cole) is the only name I liked that my husband liked too. More details about that later. His middle name was decided by my husband. It means "one who walks with God." I like the meaning for sure, but I wanted his middle name to be Koamalu, which means "peaceful courage." he didn't like the meaning or the sound of "mal" since in Spanish mal means bad. Sort of understandable to me, but I only gave in on the condition that I get to spell his first name with a K instead of C.

The K is the only thing I got to fully choose for my son: the boy I dreamt of having for years and years. I had wanted this boy for so long and he would be coming out with nothing in his name to represent his mama but this K. (We didn't even put my maiden name in his name, as is a Filipino tradition.)

A simple reason I don't want to change it, and partly why I thought of it in the first place, is I don't want him to have an ordinary name. 99% of Coles are spelled with a C. My boy is not average, neither will his name be.

And in that same way, I want him to know who he is and be confident in it. Here in Hawai'i, the word "okole" means butt (pronounced oh-ko-leh). He says he'll literally be the butt of every joke. But is it really that drastic? Kids get teased for one thing or another through their childhood. It sucks, but I see it as a part of growing up. You may suffer at the time but the goal is that you would come out of it stronger, and their silly comments would roll of your shoulders. I don't want him to suffer - of course not! But I don't want to start him off on this foot that gives in to pressures from others. They tease, so I change myself?.....Heck no! You make em recognize you are who you are, NOT who they say you are. That is an important life skill that I pray my son learns early.

A final reason I dot think we need to change the spelling of his name is that he supposedly was to be attending school on the mainland. I thought this was established but as usual my hubby has probably extended plans to stay here in Hawai'i. He says "who knows" but I thought we already did. Who knows...I guess we'll see about that (a whole 'nother can o' worms).

First Birthday Party

Well it's happened: my son is 1-year old. A year ago (and one day) I held in my arms the most precious person I've ever met. He's changed and grown so much since that day. I guess I have a little too.

I wanted to make his first birthday party a party to remember. It would be the first kids party I throw, and an important one for my first and only son. I planned for a month: buying decorations, supplies, goodie bags, setting a menu, ordering and designing the cake, etc. But the party that took place was not the one laid out on my spreadsheet. There wasn't a column for snow and ice. There definitely wasn't a row for measles.

God had a different party planned. His spreadsheet did have snow and ice, which thankfully melted by this morning. His vision included Kole having measles, which also thankfully cleared up a lot by today. Unfortunately I lost a lot of invitees because of those things, and that was hard to swallow.

"No kids coming?? But God, I bought all this stuff for the goodie bags! And look at all this food!"

"Let me show you something." He replied. And that He did.

A wonderful handful of my friends came through, and a lot of family friends filled the house by the time I was finished decorating. Quality time, good conversation, bomb food, and lots of love to celebrate Kole - those were on my spreadsheet. Those are what matter the most.

I'm not gonna lie, I still feel some disappointment to miss out on seeing some people I love, but I'm glad to add to my life list of experiences where God edits my spreadsheet and the party is still a party.

Bittersweet Mama

I took Kole to the beach just me and him he other day and he was so excited. He would sit in the water and play all by himself. He giggles as he kicked his feet in the wet sand and somehow rotated as he did it. The cutesy thing ever. I really need a waterproof case for my camera!

People were kinda fascinated that this little man loved the ocean so much. He isn't scared even though he can't walk it swim haha.


Today we were playing games in his iPad and there were animals and sounds. When the pig came on and oinked, he snorted too! Things like that melt my heart because it's bittersweet: he's so smart but he's growing up so fast. He even walked with daddy only holding one hand today. *le sighhh*

Stayed home all day today. Just had no motivation to go anywhere. Feels good to stay home sometimes but today I felt blah all over I guess. It didn't help that my dear son was having a rough day himself - which always means my day will be that much harder. He just seems to be entering the willful defiance stage. You know, testing the waters, pushing me to my limits. He'll do something until the very moment I'm about to grab him, or he'll listen until I turn away or blink and start up again. Oh man, this boy.

I'm sure I need to get off my butt more often now that he's so mobile (and sure to walk in the next month or two). We'll make it a routine to spend some time at the beach most days since that's his favorite place anyway.

I wanna add in some art time for him too; it's in his blood to be artistic. We tried out some crayons with him today and he loved it. As long as I keep him occupied he's happy; he really needs it and asks for it. Plus I gotta wear him out so he'll nap better, lol. He's such a boy.

I ♥ my boy!!



Been trying to utilize the art stuff my mama gave me for Christmas in my spare* time. Got a thing for peacock feathers lately, so I want to get good at drawing them. I've always liked them but my interest has been peaking more recently. I love the vibrant, rich colors of the feathers, and the shape is elegant and even something sensual about it. Whatever it is about them, I'm exploring their beauty with different mediums. First I did colored pencils (Prismacolor), then tonight I tried crayons (Crayola).

I like the first one better since I had more options for colors with the pencils. It was fun working with crayons though. Don't think to play with those too often. That's one fun part about having kids: you get to relive some of those fun childhood elements all over again.

*Spare time is defined as time I occasionally choose to indulge myself when I should probably be cleaning up, cooking, napping or all of the above.

I feel the clock ticking

It's less than three weeks until Kole's birthday and even less time until we'll be in leaving for Seattle. I'm feeling the pressure to get a million things done the way I want them to be done. I'm not always good at deadlines but I really do try most the time. Today I got a little bit done on a special guest book I'm getting printed for the party. I need to finish that and a video/slideshow too.

There really aren't enough hours in a day. We ran some errands at the mall and lost track of time. The boy got a late nap and was quite a challenge to put down for bed even though it was 2 hours past his normal bed time. Now it's late and I should be sleeping soon but I need to sort my upcoming tasks, jot down a couple lists of things we need, clean the kitchen and the living room...I should also fold the laundry buuuuut that will have to wait until tomorrow.

It's so true that a woman's work is never done, especially moms. I hope someday I'll learn to work the hours we're given. Until then I'll just keep living off minimal sleep.

Good night!

Hau'oli Makahiki Hou 2012

I don't think 2011 could've passed by any faster. My life exploded with the birth of my son and the purchase of our first home. Both of those things come with ups and downs. I can honestly say that I liked 2011. How could I not feel blessed?

We've been living in our condo for four months now and homeownership is clearly a crash course. First time home owners should read a book about the aches and pains from buying and living in your own home. I mean, I know there are books out there, but I wouldn't have read one. How would I know who I could relate to until it actually happens? That's how I think about it anyway. So yeah, love having our own place and even like we can feel settled a little more. Not loving the expenses that come with an aging building, but you gotta take the bad with the good. Happy to have space for our guests (which we've had a lot of in the last month), and even just the basics like a full kitchen, a bedroom with a door, and space for my son to play.

Speaking of the boy, he is almost a year old already. I am fighting the urge to keep him my tiny little baby. I know he has to continue to grow and develop, but I also know I'll spend his whole life wishing I could hold him in my arms just a few seconds longer. He melts my heart, brings me pride and joy, and irritates me all in the same day - just like any other love I guess. But really, he is more than I imagined, better than I ever prayed for. God is good.

Which brings me to my first goal of the year: to renew my commitment to God. I failed this year. No excuses, just made more choices to do my own thing rather than pursue the one thing that will truly fill my cup.

A second goal: to blog more. I still have been mini-journaling in my phone, but I want to do more. I want to share more. I want to reach out more (Third goal). I am not sure how this will all look in my daily life, but I know that as I work on my first goal, God, that all other things will fall into place.

Happy New Year! It's gonna be a good one!

P.S. Another possible goal: I might try to be more physically active for physical and mental health, but that is not a big priority at this point.

6-months: letter to baby bear

Dear baby boy;

In the morning you will be 6-months old. I am one proud mama. I love you so much - before you were even conceived. I know I'm not a perfect mom but I know God made me to be yours. I thank Him every day for that. You are such a blessing to me and your daddy, and we are so excited to watch you grow and develop. It's almost happening too fast sometimes.

Thank you for your contagious laughter and smile that has changed my life. You are my most precious gift and most rewarding challenge. Only six months have passed...wow! Can't wait for our family adventures over the next six more (and more and more and more).

Love,
Yo mama

P.S. Hope you like the veggies I'm gonna make today.

Feeling truly blessed to have a healthy child. He's happy and active, and really overall an easy baby. Makes me wonder how our next one would be; can't have two easy ones in a row! We'll see whenever that time comes. For now I'm enjoying and just in awe of this little boy that I get to care for. So thankful I can still breastfeed exclusively. We're starting to introduce solids but he's growing steadily on what he gets from me so far. :)

Being a mom is what I've waited for. It's a challenge but I LOVE IT. At times I still struggle with my own selfishness and my temper flares but God is molding me into a better mom and woman everyday. I have to remember that time flies and I will miss these moments once their gone, so i should savour them now. They will go just as fast whether I do or not.

Yesterday was our anniversary: 4 years. They have flown by, dunno where time went but glad to have spent it with him. This new chapter in our lives (starting family) is entered with trust and excitement and joy. He's my best friend and I can't imagine anyone else more perfect for me.

Thank goodness we have a strong relationship cuz we have been stressing about the bank, financing, and just buying this condo. I know need so much faith. I need to pray and listen and wait on Him. He never fails and I know this but I always try to convince myself otherwise. Why??

Alive and well

Nope, I didn't die in childbirth. I'm alive and well. I haven't posted here but I've been journaling in my cell phone, which I'll copy-paste here asap. I'm just barely gaining a balance in this new life as a mom to where I can make or find time to do things aside from being a mom and wife. Baby steps.

How can I sum up the last 6-months? I guess I would say it's been an exhausting dream come true. I LOVE being mama. My hubby and I are closer in many ways since we have worked as a team raising and caring for our son. (We're not as close in other ways buuuuut that's normal for now I guess, Lol.) This new chapter in our lives hasn't been easy but it has made me feel that much more complete. I've known I wanted to be a mama and to devote my time and energy to the job that it is.

On top of our regular stuff we're also in the process of closing on a condo nearby. What a stressful process, but it will also be worth it if we can get a place of our own. That will be another dream fulfilled.



God has been so good to me, and I am continuously in awe of His provision and plans for us. More later...the boy is waking up. :)