Crazy body

I'm 23-weeks along now and growing! I have grown very noticeably especially in the last month. Very exciting and very uncomfortable. This post is just to share (and document) my current symptoms and just stuff about being pregnant...

*Linea negra: the darkening of the skin in a line straight down from belly button.

*Sensitive skin: I've gotten pink (almost burned) from being out in the sun in the last week, with sunscreen! Very rare for me.

*Pimples: more frequent on my face but not too bad, but my chest almost always has a couple :(

*Back pain: hard to manage but I'm doing stretches and learning to bend/lie down/move more properly.

*Energy/Emotions: this last week has been kinda low on both...feeling sad for what seems to be no reason sometimes

*Food cravings: I've really been wanting dairy products a lot. I bumped up my calcium regime to see if that makes a difference but nothing so far. (I should be taking that supplement anyway I'm sure.)

*Bellybutton: has become more shallow and is darker skin inside. I had to change out my stainless steel ring for my old gold one since the other apparently was a little infected.

*Breasts: bigger, and darker pigment

*Hips: a little wider (can't wear most old pants or shorts)

*Feet: I'm still debating whether they've actually grown yet or not. Some shoes feel that way.

*Hair/nails: hair seems normal, currently letting it grow out...nails have been really nice

*Brain: huh?

*Bladder: he's definitely sitting on it

*Baby kicks: He's so active and it only is slightly a nuisance when I'm trying to sleep and he's doing gymnastics, lol. J can only feel it occasionally at this point.

Don't have: sensitivity to smell, edema, nausea, blotchy skin...

Doing well, overall. Putting together a scrapbook for our lil boy to distract me when time passes slow and channel my excitement.

:)

Less than 4-months left

I sit and meditate more and more on how my life and our lives (mine and my husband's together) will change so drastically. The biggest part of me is excited and maybe even feels ready, but there are still those parts of me that are anxious and even sad to let go of the life we have now.

I love being able to spend as much time with J as I can. I know that time will be decreasing and will be different. What I'm confident in is that we are both committed to each other and our relationship; we're aware that it's going to be a struggle for quality time at times but our marriage is important enough to put that extra effort in.

I've known for a long time now that I want to be a mama. I actually have a good amount of confidence in my ability to be one (and the encouragement from my friends and family helps that feeling too). The parts I struggle with are teenage years and just that normal parent worry of "I want the best for my child"..."Will they make the right choices"..."How do I protect them without smothering them?"

Etc...etc...

I'm already a "mom" I guess. As soon as I wanted to become pregnant I had to change how I do things, how I think about things, what I plan my life around. I care for my coming child by what I eat, drink, and do or don't do; it's all about him. That's the difference for women though; we're mom's from conception. Guys get a little more adjustment period but I think it hits them even harder than us in some ways. Being motherly is more natural for women than for men most of the time. We get a head start being mama while the baby is still inside; he is daddy in an instant on the day the baby comes out.

From either side, it's big. I'm just so thankful I can share it all with the love of my life. ♥

I am not a statistic

Statistically, I am more likely to...

become an alcoholic or drug addict

be in an abusive relationship

get a divorce

suffer from depression or other psychological disorder

abuse my own children in some way

commit a crime and end up in jail

have difficulty with close relationships

have difficulty holding a job

...BUT statistics got nothin' on the Grace of God.

I am free from the hurts and sins of my past, and the bondage that statistics like these can hold over our heads. Healing is a lifelong process but I am not healing myself; the love of God heals me daily. I am not alone. I am not a statistic.

Some references:

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics

http://www.yesican.org/stats.html

http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/statistics-about-children-and-divorce.html

Pregnant eyes

The things I see from pregnant eyes. The world is different these days - maybe I should say, the way the world interacts with me and the way I interpret the world is different I guess. People around us always have expectations of what we should or shouldn't do, look like, act like, feel like, or want, but it's a new set of "things" since I'm pregnant.

People expect I should be bigger. I must be smaller than the average 5-month pregnant lady (so I hear...every day). But really, I'm smaller than the average lady too! I don't take it personal but it's just one of those things you hear every time you talk to someone and it gets old sometimes. I'm only having one baby, and he's 75% Filipino; he probably won't be that big by the time he comes out either. Cute though, that's for sure.

Another thing I'm more conscious of is my wedding ring. I always want to wear it and don't like going out anytime without it, but with this baby bump I feel like I would be judged more harshly appear like I'm an unmarried pregnant girl (especially since I look so young). It makes me think of my friends or family that have babies outside of marriage and I can understand how they felt more so with all those eyes on them. I know not everyone cares, but it's just something that pops into my head these days.

I'm also body-conscious for the first time really in my life. I'm blessed to never have weight issues and even when I had a little extra I liked it and was (over)confident. I'm feeling better now that it's pretty obvious I'm pregnant and not sporting a full-on beer/nacho/pot belly. But deep down that goes back to me caring what people are thinking when they look at me. What if I do have a pot belly? What if I do drink a lot of beer? I dunno... The other thing is feeling good in my clothes. I have enough outfits for now that I can wear and feel good in. I love my clothes and I miss my jeans, but I'm proud to show off my growing baby boy. I just wanna be comfortable while doing it. Luckily I do have an amazing husband supporting me and encouraging me every day. He's seriously the best; more than I ever imagined. Thank you God!

Something more from my perspective is that I notice pregnant women every day. It's kinda like when you start driving a certain car, you notice how many of them are already on the road, haha. I like it though. It's like a sisterhood, like you're not alone and you can instantly relate to that woman in some way no matter how far along she is. It's nice when there's a couple of us at the beach too, cuz I think we can give each other the confidence to be out there, bellies and all.

Blurrrrrrr

Our trip to Seattle was such a b l u r. I am amazed at how fast 10-days can go by. All the family is feeling it - a sort of sadness like it all ended too soon. A lot happened except for just being together. If only we could get together again sooner than later, but life is too demanding I guess.

I'm kind of back into the swing of things here in the islands. I have barely unpacked and haven't done any laundry, but like I said, life is swinging already. Both of us have been back to work and running errands and trying to spend our own quality time. I need that for sure.

As for Baby, he is growing. I feel it inside and out. I'm showing more consistently (not just after I eat), and I gained 5-pounds in Seattle which actually catches me up to be more of the weight I should be at by now. On Sunday I'll be 20-weeks a.k.a. 5-MONTHS pregnant! Time is flying, and it's sinking in how much our lives will be altered in just 4 short months. Whoa. I'm so thankful for all the love and support we're receiving from family and friends. Not only are we excited for our baby boy, but so many around us are sharing that excitement too and it feels good.

...still waiting for that first kick...

Not a vacation

This trip to Seattle has been nothing but on-the-go. From pre-wedding to day-of-wedding to post-wedding and even a surprise baby shower on the day of the wedding...I'm exhausted. I got mad love for all the family in town, and I actually wish for more down time together but that will have to wait for a reunion that doesn't revolve around the highly anticipated wedding of my hubby's sister.

[pic: our cake! made for us for the surprise baby shower]

The wedding was a lot of fun and surprisingly low stress on our end. We weren't in it (just the family procession) so I'm sure we missed any of those mishaps that weddings are famous for. Good food, lots of dancing, and almost no clean-up: awesome.

[pic: me and the bride]

My boo left yesterday, which was hard for me, but as I predicted I will only now begin to spend time with my own family. Thankfully they've been patient and understanding. One evening with my siblings and the baby shower with my friends is all I got left, besides the in between times while I'm chillin' at my mom's. Another blessing is that the newly married sister-in-law has granted me access to her car while they are honeymooning. Wish we had that freedom this whole time! But we survived.

Off to run errands with mama! :)

The latest

Just had my monthly check-in with my doctor and as usual I didn't get in the exam room for 45+ minutes after I got there and the reception girl was rude and incompetent as ever. Oh well... My doctor did apologize and seemed sincerely bothered I had been out there so long, but we wait an average of 20-30 minutes every time we've gone so I dunno. I always feel better after we get in there and get to talk about the baby and stuff.

I'm going to be 17-weeks along on Sunday. I've only gained 3-pounds but that's 2 in the last month so I guess I'm on the right track. Been spending a lot of time looking at boy names and researching meanings, popularity, sounding it out with our last name and potential middle names. Boys names are so hard! I could probably pick one, but my hubby and I have yet to agree. Good thing we have about 5-months to argue - I mean "decide". ;)

Trying to prepare for our visit home. We need to decide what we'll wear to the wedding and how to pack the stuff we're bringing back (like clothes we haven't worn since we moved here), and even trying to have a tentative itinerary with family and friends; all that fun stuff. I wish I could pack now haha but I don't want my stuff to get all musty staying in the suitcase too long or be perma-wrinkled. I'm just excited, well also anxious because our time is so divided; not only between both families - which is lopsided since there is a wedding on his side - but there are dear friends we would love to spend quality time with that I hope works out. I extended my stay which is gives me slightly more flexibility, but it also separates me from my love for 4 days. It's so hard to be apart from him. I'm glad we both feel that way after all this time though. That's a blessing I'll never take for granted.

♥