Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Can't wait to get my mug!
Collage Mug
Shutterfly cards for Mother's Day, Valentines Day, Birthdays & more.
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Tuesday, April 10, 2012
The sting of the plank
Just discovered a preverbal plank in my eye. It's not necessarily a sinful one, but still a case of specks, planks and/or looking in the mirror.
My friend is going through some thangs and is feeling alone - that no one can relate to their situation. I always say just because we don't feel some one has experienced the exact same thing doesn't mean you're alone. I still believe this, and know that we all have our own struggles and life stories that aren't identical to anyone else's. However, I seem to doubt a certain person who promises to know my pain and bear my shame: Jesus.
I read and "know" that God hurts when I hurt, but do I live out that knowledge? Do I believe in my heart that he loves me more than myself when he allowed injustice to scar me? Honestly, I hold doubt on this. I can even say I know I'm wrong for this doubt. BUT I still wonder why I had to be shamed in this way and how can Jesus truly understand me when he was never a pervert's prey. Of course he was shamed, and he was violated...but was he molested? No, he wasn't.
The more questions I ask, the more I'm assured that he truly can relate to my hurt. He had no family or friend to turn to. He had no protection from his fate. He was shamed (more than me) - publicly humiliated and even murdered. He felt exposed and abandoned.
I wish I could've been like Him and not sinned out of my disgrace (adding more poo to the pile). That's the real difference between me and Him; not that I was sexually molested and He wasn't.
And yet still, I do wonder why. Why doesn't God stop the injustice? Why does he allow his children to be robbed of dignity? I may never get an answer that satisfies or settles my heart. I can only grow in faith and an understanding of what it means to receive Grace after tragedy. I can only allow my life, from enslaved brokenness to bold freedom, be a light and example the healing process and of why we need to know Jesus to get through it.
My friend is going through some thangs and is feeling alone - that no one can relate to their situation. I always say just because we don't feel some one has experienced the exact same thing doesn't mean you're alone. I still believe this, and know that we all have our own struggles and life stories that aren't identical to anyone else's. However, I seem to doubt a certain person who promises to know my pain and bear my shame: Jesus.
I read and "know" that God hurts when I hurt, but do I live out that knowledge? Do I believe in my heart that he loves me more than myself when he allowed injustice to scar me? Honestly, I hold doubt on this. I can even say I know I'm wrong for this doubt. BUT I still wonder why I had to be shamed in this way and how can Jesus truly understand me when he was never a pervert's prey. Of course he was shamed, and he was violated...but was he molested? No, he wasn't.
The more questions I ask, the more I'm assured that he truly can relate to my hurt. He had no family or friend to turn to. He had no protection from his fate. He was shamed (more than me) - publicly humiliated and even murdered. He felt exposed and abandoned.
I wish I could've been like Him and not sinned out of my disgrace (adding more poo to the pile). That's the real difference between me and Him; not that I was sexually molested and He wasn't.
And yet still, I do wonder why. Why doesn't God stop the injustice? Why does he allow his children to be robbed of dignity? I may never get an answer that satisfies or settles my heart. I can only grow in faith and an understanding of what it means to receive Grace after tragedy. I can only allow my life, from enslaved brokenness to bold freedom, be a light and example the healing process and of why we need to know Jesus to get through it.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Life happens so quickly
I am sure that I'll never be able to fully keep up with life - or my son! They both don't take any breaks. They're both a gift from heaven.
Not that life is always great, but when I really invest in it, and try to live it the way God intended, it just makes the bad things smaller and the good things that much better. Currently I'm going through some healing from my childhood. It's wounds I've dressed before and thought might have actually been healed, but some scars run deep and I'm goin' in after them! Thankful to have a sister to walk through the mud with.
The timing is truly God, as I also was asked to participate in our church's Easter service this coming Sunday to share a snippet of my hardship but more importantly how God comes through in those times. Luckily it's not a speaking role or anything, God will speak through me anyway.
On a other very exciting note, my son took some little steps today! Very first time! He was trying to walk towards me in the bathroom and took 2 timid, cute little steps. Then he did it again and thankfully daddy was watching the second time. So thankful he was here to see it too! I was shocked at how happy I felt for this to happen. I joke about how I'm not in a hurry for him to walk cuz I know I'll really be chasing him down - kind of joking but kind of serious. In the end, I guess I'm more excited for him to learn new things and develop new skills. He's so precious to me, and his triumphs feel like mine too.
Who know how soon until he takes off running on his own. He's trying to talk more and more too these days. He babbles with such intent on what he's saying, it's super cute. I love hearing him experiment with sounds and inflection. He even signs a couple things, which is helpful for daily communication rather than whining for everything. (Not a fan.) He can sign "thirsty", "ball", and "all done." He understands "eat" I think. He understands so well when we talk to him too. Their brains really are sponges!
So much happens in the daily life of a toddler; it definitely keeps me on my toes! I'm still learning to really grab some me-time. I did finally get out for a ladies night and we saw Anjelah Johnson. Felt awesome to get out! I've been trying to get a break more consistently, and my hubby and I are even putting more effort into trying to have a date every once in a while. We don't know how to date each other anymore and that's not so good. My healing process will benefit us both in the end, and I'm so looking forward to it.
"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." (Philippians 3:12 NLT)
Not that life is always great, but when I really invest in it, and try to live it the way God intended, it just makes the bad things smaller and the good things that much better. Currently I'm going through some healing from my childhood. It's wounds I've dressed before and thought might have actually been healed, but some scars run deep and I'm goin' in after them! Thankful to have a sister to walk through the mud with.
The timing is truly God, as I also was asked to participate in our church's Easter service this coming Sunday to share a snippet of my hardship but more importantly how God comes through in those times. Luckily it's not a speaking role or anything, God will speak through me anyway.
On a other very exciting note, my son took some little steps today! Very first time! He was trying to walk towards me in the bathroom and took 2 timid, cute little steps. Then he did it again and thankfully daddy was watching the second time. So thankful he was here to see it too! I was shocked at how happy I felt for this to happen. I joke about how I'm not in a hurry for him to walk cuz I know I'll really be chasing him down - kind of joking but kind of serious. In the end, I guess I'm more excited for him to learn new things and develop new skills. He's so precious to me, and his triumphs feel like mine too.
Who know how soon until he takes off running on his own. He's trying to talk more and more too these days. He babbles with such intent on what he's saying, it's super cute. I love hearing him experiment with sounds and inflection. He even signs a couple things, which is helpful for daily communication rather than whining for everything. (Not a fan.) He can sign "thirsty", "ball", and "all done." He understands "eat" I think. He understands so well when we talk to him too. Their brains really are sponges!
So much happens in the daily life of a toddler; it definitely keeps me on my toes! I'm still learning to really grab some me-time. I did finally get out for a ladies night and we saw Anjelah Johnson. Felt awesome to get out! I've been trying to get a break more consistently, and my hubby and I are even putting more effort into trying to have a date every once in a while. We don't know how to date each other anymore and that's not so good. My healing process will benefit us both in the end, and I'm so looking forward to it.
"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." (Philippians 3:12 NLT)
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