"I" does not exist

I don't have time to do much crafting. I've got ALL the stuff I need...except time. I wish I could have a space to do my thing. I honestly am not able to just start a project in a snap. I need to get in the zone. Plus if I get interrupted I honestly get frustrated and I - I can't even get these thoughts down without being rediculously interrupted.

---20 min later

Anyways it hurts and pisses me off when my hubby says I need to get rid of stuff cuz I don't use it like it's my choice that I don't get to have time to do the things I want to do. WTF. I don't have down time; it's called bed time, but I have to sleep when they do or I'm groggy on top of stretched thin and that is never a good day. I focus all on my kids because they should be the priority. I truly believe that and put my all into that. That's why all those I's above don't exist.

I seriously need to be back in Seattle surrounded by family and friends. I'm not healthy here ALONE in Hawaii. 

I exist there.

Being selfish (no.1)

I got tired of living my life by only following through with something based on guilt or anger. I didn't like that my actions or decisions were primarily based on other people; either I didn't it to make them happy, or I did it to hurt them. Or I would only have the motivation to get something done because I was channeling frustration into action.

Relationships guide our decisions but they should not completely govern them. I value being considerate and aware of others, but I despise being controlled or manipulated by others (as most of us do). 

So what did I do? Well I still struggle today with this sometimes - a lack of motivation or follow-through. However I have a better understanding of what I am responsible for: other peoples' feelings isn't one of them. Not that I don't care how my actions affect others, but it will not make my decision for me anymore. 

I know myself better too, and what I need or don't need, and I respect my own boundaries. For example, I can't remember the last time I over-committed myself to too many activities. I just don't say yes if I'm not 100% sure I'll have the time or energy to commit. Saying no is selfish, but sometimes that's okay.