Bitter is the new black

I guess I'm sporting bitter this spring, in varying shades. How easy it it can be put on for any occasion.

I wear it as I start my period and I'm not pregnant yet. It goes well with a tear streak down the cheek. "All in God's timing" my hubby tells me. I know. That's true. I know.

And I've thrown on some bitter since the arrival of my parents - more specifically, my mother, drunk off the plane. Joy. "I'm terrified of flying" she tells me. I guess antianxiety meds and screwdrivers are the cure for that (note to self). Screw the child I revert back to when mommy is drunk. Screw first impressions to my coworkers and boss. Screwdrivers.

And bitter isn't complete without a cat. I still can't find mine: purrrrfect!

Bitter can be worn as an accessory or full ensemble for days to come. Watch out people, it could be the newest trend...almost viral...like the flu I have.

My Season 9 American Idol Picks - Top 9

Guys
Aaron Kelly: Kid needs to pick up the pace and be a little more playful in his performances.
Andrew Garcia: Glad he's still there, not surprised. He's a great artist and is getting better at showing it without trying too hard.
Casey James: I like to see him showing some emotion along with his talent, very necessary.
Lee Dewyze: He's coming outta his shell, and it's great. He can only get better.
Michael Lynche: Amazing voice and talent. His stage presence is unmatched this season.
Tim Urban: Can't believe he's still on the show but he's definitely better with his guitar.

Ladies
Crystal Bowersox: I like to see her smiling more. She's so real and she brings it every time.
Katie Stevens: She also needs to bring up her "cool" factor; she's too serious in her performances. Skills but dull so far.
Siobhan Magnus: She's grown on me a bit, and I think she's got a strong voice. Her quirks can be charming but sometimes too much.

I was definitely sad to see Didi go, but that's how it goes. We'll see who will be voted off tomorrow. I didn't vote tonight, but usually I voted for any of the following: Didi, Andrew, Crystal, and Lee. I'm surprised that the girls have gone down faster than the guys, but I guess they have more charisma.

Text voting is cool, btw.

Dear Turtle

If I cry hard enough will you hear me and follow?
If I pray long enough will He give you back to me?
If I call your name and make a million promises will it make a difference?
Will He give you back to me?

Just when I think it can't hurt anymore,
My heart sinks another level
& the pieces hit the floor.

I miss you
& I can't lie for a second,
That I wouldn't trade all of these
or all of those things
To have you back again.

I fight the guilt
& I fight the anger,
But most of all I fight the tears.

How long should I fight them?
To bring you back I'd hold them down for years.

I'll wear a smile,
But only when I have to.
Laugh now.
Cry later.
Helpless I wait to hear news of you.

Having a rough time

Well my cat is still missing back in Lynnwood. I've been off of work, which has allowed me to let it out a little more. Overall, I can only describe myself as in a daze. I am sad and I don't know what to do with myself half the time. I need distraction from my emotions but I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. I'm not giving up on life but I am struggling to lose the battle with discouragement and isolation. My husband got me out in the water today, which was probably a good thing. I had fun longboarding and doing silly tricks, I the weight in my chest never really goes away. (And it won't until we have a resolution to this whole thing.) We called the local vets in my mom's area and no Turtle, but a couple of them let us email pics and info about him, so that's one more step to spreading the word, and many more eyes on the lookout.

The day was not complete without my honey dropping our house key down an elevator shaft - luckily not my wedding ring which was also in his hand! Then I hit our rear fender on a corner in the parking garage. Then I dropped burger grease on my new favorite dress at dinner.

One of those days I guess...

I honestly am hating being so far from home right now (and any time something is going wrong over there). I can't wait to move back. I don't think I'm made to be away. As much as it can be nice to have so much more time with my husband and just having the ocean as a playground, I want to be near our parents and other loved ones.

~ ~ ~

We're still trying to focus on getting pregnant. I don't know how I'll keep from talking about it once it happens but I'll do my best until I'm in the "safe zone." And on another more positive note, I have been reading my Bible pretty much every single day for over a week now. That is a great achievement for me, because consistency in the Word has always been a struggle for me. A big thanks to one of my besties for sending me a link YouVersion.com where you can choose a reading plan to fit your goals in reading through the Bible. I don't know if it's the checklist that gets me or what but I am reading and drawing closer to Him which is what I need more than ever right now.