Where oh where?

My cat is still missing. I'm still very sad, but at least I haven't cried for a couple days. I don't want to cry because I don't know how I'll stop once I start. The only thing that would stop my heart from aching is for Turtle to come home. I can't cry all day; I have to function, so basically I'm stuffing it all down a bit. I'm reading my Bible more - maybe that's the purpose in this? I'm not jumping to conclusions but I do know God has a purpose in this. What it is, I can barely fathom, but I must trust Him.

My family has posted flyers around their neighborhood, and visited local shelters several times. I'm posting to Craigslist as often as possible and i created a Facebook page to help get the word out. Please feel free to repost and befriend, every little bit helps. I feel so helpless being so far away. I'm so distracted every minute of every day and there's nothing I can do but hope and pray, hope and pray, hope and pray.

I once lost a cat for 3 weeks when I was 12. I cried endlessly. He was found via flyers (only 2 blocks away).

A lady at the shelter told my mom how her cat was lost for 3 months, and found since he had a collar with contact information on it.

When am I supposed to give up? Sometime between 3 weeks and 3 months, I guess.

Drooping

Wanted to tell the tale of my epic surf session yesterday... but now I just wanna go home.... I think... Oh wait, I don't have an extra $800!

Long story short, my cat back home is missing. Maybe two days is a short time, but it's not normal behavior and it's scaring the sh*t outta me. I cried my eyes out and still can't fall asleep. My husband tenderly keeps telling me to be positive but the closest to positive I can get is numb. All other conversation is blah blah blah. I don't wanna be told "it's gonna be ok" when ok doesn't necessarily mean I get my cat back.

I'm exhausted, and will now go another night of restless sleep. That's getting old. I need some real rest. I'm working way more hours than usual this week and my feet are aching. I want to get away. I want to slip under the radar for a while. I wanna go home and find my cat. I am angry that he's missing, blaming everyone I can think of. My guilt for leaving him is rising like wildfires in my chest.

I'll be spending a lot of time in the Word and in my hubby's arms...

I'm sick of being sick!

So I was sick for about a week and I swear I got better but now as of Wednesday night I'm sick again. Annoying. Being sick always feels like such a waste of time. I have been disciplined and not surfing in hopes to speed my recoveries but it doesn't seem to help with whatever I have. I miss surfing. And I even have now called out from work twice - the only two times since I started. Ugghhhh! At least we made it to the grocery store in the short time I was feeling up to it. I love having a cupboard and fridge full of goodies.

Another good thing that lifts my spirits is that they finally aired an episode of Ugly Betty. I am so sad that the show is going to end. I LOVE UGLY BETTY! The show is so awesome I don't understand why it can't continue. Maybe it doesn't have enough explicit sex or ridiculous relationships flying all around, and America Ferrera may not be considered the "ideal" hot body, but girl is beautiful, and represents a demographic that is more relatable than a super model type. She is a woman of color with a good head on her shoulders and meat on her bones. She's imperfect and can admit it; very vulnerable and always growing. C'mon people! Is it too much to ask to have a show that is positive and dramatic and quirky all at the same time?

I digress...

Your prayers of healing and quick recovery are welcomed. My chest is heavy, my throat is scratchy, and I've run a low fever off and on. I'm going to keep resting as a priority and keep my hot honey/lemon/ginger water handy. I am trying to avoid my usual Theraflu doses on the small chance that I could be pregnant. (I read that you shouldn't take it if pregnant due to high potency, etc.) I don't know if I'm even late since my cycles are still very irregular but I don't like taking chances - nah mean? I've been curving my diet and vices preparing myself for that time which I hope will come soon.

My Season 9 American Idol Picks - Top 12

**How could Lilly be gone??! As she said, "There's a lot of incredible talent going home tonight." I am very disappointed to see certain people stay over others. Todrick had more to give, but I do agree he may be better suited for Broadway (which would give him more opportunity to showcase all his talents anyway). Katelynn Epperly was not the strongest competitor but I honestly thought she was staying when they had her standing with Paige. Poor Alex Lambert! He was torn up and couldn't hide it. He was getting better but definitely needed more performance with the vocals.

TOP 12

Didi Benami: Love her, she has such an awesome sound and knows how to use her voice.

Siobhan Magnus: I can't deny her vocal skills but she is odd in an off-putting kind of way.

Paige Miles: Again, bomb voice but little connection to her when she sings, either cuz her lack of connection with the song or maybe what she fails to project to the audience.

Crystal Bowersox: Totally deserves to be in the top 12. She is a true artist.

Lacey Brown: Um, not so much worthy of the top 12 title. Should've been Katelynn.

Katie Stevens: Also not ready for this top 12 group. Should've been Lilly.

Casey James: Great vocals, great musician and a simple artist.

Tim Urban: I don't think he should be top 12. His song this week was an easy vocal and he has failed to impress otherwise.

Lee Dewyze: So worthy of top 12. He's awesome and should go far.

Michael Lynche: Wow, that Maxwell song was absolutely amazing and touching. I couldn't believe his range and control in that falsetto. Saw him in a new light after that.

Aaron Kelly: Yeah...why??

Andrew Garcia: Of course, he should be top 12 and I hope he keeps being himself and showing us how talented he really is.

My Season 9 American Idol Picks out of 16

This season I'd say the girls are doing better than the guys. I'm not excited about anyone yet, but I have voices I favor, of course.

Eliminations...

Ashley Rodriguez - (Wk 1) I had hope for her, because she had major potential and major stage presence.

Janell Wheeler - (Wk 1) Didn't think she was that strong of a contender for the win, but wasn't sure if she should've been out the first week.

Michelle Delamor - (Wk 2) I definitely she should've lasted another week but mostly because she's highly marketable. I honestly think she should pursue modeling. Singing, may not take her as far.

Haeley Vaughn - (Wk 2) Thank the Lord this girl is off the stage. Sweet as she may be, the voice was murderous to my ears.

Joe Munoz - (Wk 1) WTH, he was confident as he awkwardly stared into the camera, but dude had a good voice and was a great performer.

Tyler Grady - (Wk 1) Yeah, he was stuck in a time he wasn't even conceived in. Kinda odd, but may do well in local band gigs.

John Park - (Wk 2) Not a strong performer solo but maybe good with his group. Nice voice most of the time.

Jermaine Sellers - (Wk 2) I loved his voice and that Jesus is his homeboy but attitude was a little off sometimes. He could really sing, but wrong songs.

Current ladies...

YES

-Crystal Bowersox: Artistry and voice, she is unique in this competition but I do agree there are many like her out there.

-Didi Benami: Such a voice, I love her voice; she needs to step it up and take a risk by adding her own flare.

-Lily Scott: I think her voice is really good and different in a good way; she's very artistic and original.

MAYBE

-Katelynn Epperly: I don't think her voice is that strong, but she is good. I don't think I connect with her.

-Paige Miles: Awesome voice, but there's something I'm not getting from her too. But the voice, girl got skills.

NO

-Katie Stevens: Good singer, but boring performer. She's young, needs experience.

-Lacey Brown: Um, I get the impression there's only certain songs she can sing.

-Siobhan Magnus: Great range, but is almost too odd off the bat. Individuality and quirkiness is fine, but honestly the wardrobe is killing me.

Current gentlemen...

YES

-Andrew Garcia: Star potential, maybe with a band, but definitely a true artist and a front man.

-Lee Dewyze: Star potential here too. He needs to exude more confidence with that voice.

-Todrick Hall: Lemme be honest, he's not the best singer, but he IS an artist. Maybe he should be a producer and back-up dancer?

MAYBE

-Alex Lambert: Odd dude, nice tone to his voice but needs to change his hair and gain some confidence.

-Casey James: Voice good, guitar good...but maybe not as good as he thinks he is?

-Michael Lynche: Good voice, awesome performer but it's hard to piece that big man with those smaller songs. Last week was a good one for him but there's something I can't grasp...

NO

-Aaron Kelly: Another young, fairly dull kid. He has a good voice, but this show is not long enough for him to grow up in time.

-Tim Urban: Dude...no more. All I can think of is that first live performance and that he didn't exactly redeem himself last week.

From Fear to Respect

Living in Hawai'i has brought me to a new relationship with the ocean. I didn't grow up with much of a fascination with the ocean, and really just had a fear of deep, dark waters. The ocean on the Washington and Oregon coast is painfully cold and the beaches are generally cloudy and windy. I don't stand well against those elements.

While I do still fear really deep, dark waters, after spending so much time in the ocean I definitely have much more respect for it than plain ol' fear. I don't fear it simply out of ignorance, but out of recognition for the power behind every inch of it. I'm not only conscious of my water consumption because someone told me to be, but because it's my back yard (and technically my front, and side yards too). I don't take for granted that it hasn't swallowed me up or that there's so much of it we're only specs it its eye. There's life in it and throughout it.

This mindset reminds of having a relationship with God. The ocean is not a god, nor do I believe in "ocean gods" but I do know that God created the ocean. And while the ocean is a large creation, God is an even larger creator. We might fear Him when we don't know Him or understand Him, but once we experience His mercies and love, we gain new respect for God. He's not a tyrant, angry and controlling in the sky; He's a wise, sacrificial, forgiving Father.

We may be smaller than even a spec in His eye, but we are the apple of it.