>>Reading up

In the last week, and well, since I found out I was pregnant, I've done a lot of reading online. Forums are great! I like how we can just type a question into Google and find an answer. Of course I weed through the lame or silly answers but a lot of the information has helped me learn and to realize all the stuff going on inside me is normal.

I thought I was weird for not wanting vegetables lately. Apparently it's very common, and most women supplement with their vitamins and/or more fruit in their diet. That's basically what I've been doing; I've been craving fruit like mad. Thank goodness I've kept a lot of fruit around, because without it, I have trouble staying regular nowadays.

I read up on breast feeding this morning. I had never really thought about the fact that you pretty much need to do it right at the hospital, as soon as possible after any tests/complications/etc. Pretty interesting stuff, and kinda scary. I know it's going to hurt at first, but there's a good chance it will just get easier. I'm praying I have enough milk, haha, what a prayer request!

Before I eat anything a little more outside of my normal routine, I Google it too. I've come to realize how silly we are in America. Can I eat sushi? Is it okay to eat spicy Indian food? Ummmmm, Japanese women would probably laugh at us if we told them they shouldn't eat sushi. Seriously. I mean, I'm taking the cautious route, and definitely monitoring my intake of most kinds of fish, but I think since I live in a place where super fresh seafood is the standard I've been okay to even eat some seared ahi tuna. And I read a forum about Indian food where an Indian woman basically pointed out how India is overpopulated and all those women having babies surely ate some spicy and spice-filled foods. Heartburn can be an issue for those not used to it, but really, eat it if that's what you want.

The last thing I'll mention that I needed to read was that not only do these fluctuating hormones make you "sluggish" but they can also serve up some insomnia. Greaaaaaat, nothing better than being tired and unable to sleep, right? I went through some of that for about 4 nights last week and thought I must be crazy. I couldn't even nap without waking up after an hour - feeling tired but eyeballs sticking wide open. I just happened to come across part of an article on babycenter.com that mentioned more effects of hormones. I'm doing better with that the last 3 nights/naps. I think I've actually worn myself out enough that I just sleep for real. I like that.

[pic: the baby is about the size of a kumquat around this time...whatever that is]

>>Strong heartbeat

Our appointment last Friday went awesome (once we got into the room...long story short, my doctor's staff is...blah). J had worked the night before but he woke up once the ultrasound started. The doctor turned the monitor around and showed us our baby's heartbeat - "strong" as she described it. Too early to hear via ultrasound, but we could see that heart pumping away. I was overwhelmed and so excited! There is life in me and it's growing! Praise Jesus!

So many fears were released the night before during my prayer time and then when I saw that little heart beating on the screen I was changed. The signs of life and the shape of the little person changed me. The best is that I feel more confident, especially since I am only 2 weeks away from the second trimester. I know anything can happen during a pregnancy but I'm believing for January 2011 that I'll be holding my baby.

I called all my siblings that afternoon. Talked with most of them by the end of the night and it felt great to finally share the news with them. I love them and miss them all so much and wish I could be around them to share this time in my life. They're all aunties and uncles many times over but this is the first from me. :)

So how am I feeling at 10 weeks? Still tender and growing in the "chest" area. Ketchup is my only weird heightened flavor I like. But it is strange that vegetables do not appeal to me, while beef does a little more than usual (I guess I need protein). I am still more sluggish often, and feel best when I get a lot of sleep, but in the last week have been hit with some insomnia symptoms. That sucks, especially when I have to work the next morning. I am not showing, but I'm often bloated enough that it could look that way, Lol. Feeling a little self-conscious about my changing body at times, but embracing it knowing that it means I'm gonna be a mama. I still get nausea but still haven't actually blown - thank goodness. If I don't let my stomach get real empty, I can avoid the intense nausea. And yes, I'm moody and emotional. I can't watch Oprah without losing track of how many times I tear up or cry haha!

I like weekend

My hubby was off this weekend, and that always makes for a good one. I got a couple random naps in on Saturday after having bad sleep for a few days prior. Apparently fluctuating hormones can cause some insomnia...greeeaaaaaat.

Sunday was awesome! I had to mentally prepare myself for a long day that I didn't wanna miss any part of. We started off with church. The series right now is about children and parenting, and what the Bible really has to say about it. We've been learning things we've never heard preached before and it's been good. And good timing since we're trying to start our family too. Youth group was different because we had planned an afternoon at Ala Moana with burgers, sun, beach - the good stuff. We picked up a few toppings and even though not many of the kids could actually make it, we had a great time. The weather was nice, with some occasional high winds but I still got my butt out in the water to swim eventually to get my exercise. I love hanging out with the kids! They're awesome.

Right after we met up with a couple from Seattle (one of which is actually from here). We've never got to spend much time with them but I'm so thankful we have now. We ate a lot of course and talked for hours. Just another aloha-life experience, hanging with people from home over here. I love it. I hope it's the start of a long friendship. :)

~ ~ ~

Just read some more Deuteronomy. This book is the most highly quoted by Jesus in the New Testament, so it's more than worth reading. I'm currently reading through the Bible chronologically, and I'm really glad it's opening my eyes to more of the Old Testament, which is often overlooked or skimmed by NT churches. I am learning a lot about just the path laid for Jesus' arrival and the things the Jews had to do according to the law, before grace. I'm soooooo thankful for grace. Not just because it got rid of burnt sacrifices but because of the whole picture and circumference of what it means to have grace. We are not bound by rituals or forced to be unclean until evening; we are cleansed by His blood, and that's our undeserved gift which we take for granted and barely even know how to receive. I want to receive it - every day, IN the moments, not after or just when I pray at night.

>>Hope i can sleep tonight

Kinda anxious, but very eXcited, because tomorrow we have our first real doctor appointment. Hopefully it will be our first ultrasound! I will probably request one if they don't think they're going to do one because it is time. I know a lot of women get there's around 6-8 weeks but I'm about to hit 10-weeks, and I'm ready to see what's going on in there. :)

I don't know how I'll react when I hear the heartbeat. Wow.

>>Dreams, hunger, what surfing?

Tomorrow marks 9-weeks. I am excited but can't believe how long 1 week can be in my mind. It'll be almost another week still before I see my doctor next Friday, at which time I will hopefully have an ultrasound. :) Our first!

They say you could have more vivid dreams while pregnant...yep! I have always been a dreamer; full length, color features. But they have definitely been a little more creative and I can tell I'm dreaming every single night because I am remembering them a lot. (Usually that's just fine, nothing bad so far.)

Dreaming is only possible if my tummy is full apparently. I can't get to sleep or go back to sleep once I've been up long enough for my stomach to realize it's hungry. I used to be able to ignore this feeling most of the time but not anymore. Hunger overrides all. A couple crackers won't do. It's gotta be at least half a sandwich for the bean to let up. Haha

As far as exercise, I went on my first hike since we moved here; my first time up Diamond Head. It was a nice pace and length, and the view at the top was awesome of course, but it doesn't replace surfing! :/ I didn't go once this week. I did swim, but no wave riding, sadly. I wanted to cut back but none is rough. I used to go 1-3 times per week, usually twice, but because of the risk of getting hit in the belly (or head) I know I should stay away from those crowded Waikiki waters if possible. *sigh* It will be worth it, I know.

♥

Hungry Eyes, Foolish Hearts

I've been reading (slowly) through the book of Numbers. As far as I can remember, this is the first time I've made it all the way through. Just so you know, it really isn't ALL about numbers; there are many laws listed and several census taken during this time that are accounted for in the book, which can be tedious to read, but I'm learning to go deeper. When we really pray for open minds and hearts to receive as we read these seemingly pointless details, it can happen!

My main eye-opening moment came when I was near the end of the book, where Moses and the Israelites were just about to cross the Jordan River. There were a few clans/tribes that asked to stay back, preferring to inherit the land they've just seen and scouted, rather than go on the promise land that God had been promising them for generations. The first guys that tried that cursed a whole generation of Israelites to wander the desert until that generation died off. What were these guys thinking??

The difference with this new group was they did promise to continue with everyone to ensure Israel did claim its land across the river, only then to return to the other side again. This was approved, but I was still kinda shocked. It made me think of me, and us, and this world - how we can't wait for God's best sometimes. We can witness His greatness and His provision, but when we see something good in our faces we can barely resist, rather than holding out for the best, which has been promised to us by the God of heaven. The God that never lies or exaggerates has intentions to "prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jer 29:11)

This comes down to more than just patience and longsuffering, but to trust and have faith in God, and sacrifice of our own "wisdom" for His infallible foresight and knowledge. How do we get back on the faith train? I'm starting by reading more and more of what the Bible says about God. It's not just to read it and learn it, but to come to live it. Hard stuff for a finite, selfish girl that I am, but thankfully I'm not alone and I'm not expected to do it alone.

>>2 Months

I am now 8-weeks 1-day along. My nausea has improved overall, but I've been feeling really tired lately but for some reason my naps suck. It feels like I'm not asleep but I'll be in bed for hours...weird, can't explain. I definitely need more consistent sleep. If I thought mornings were hard before, I can't express how hard it is to get out of bed nowadays. Went to work today and wanted to push myself to stay as long as possible; I did, but not without gagging after a rush we had. I felt bad for my coworker, but thankful that since there were so many people they didn't hear me behind the counter. Eek.

Lately I notice a correlation between my cramps and gas. This is kind of comforting since I know cramping can be a sign of bad things if more than growing pains in my uterus. No other "bad" signs so far (no spotting of any kind). Feeling pretty confident, but still keeping reality in check since I know I have another month to go until the second trimester.

The embryo is the size of a kidney bean but growing steadily. In my pregnancy journal there was a couple lines to write a message from you and your partner...

From me: keep growing :)

From daddy: hurry up and become a fetus! :D

>>*Time flies, cont'd

A big reason why time is crawling for me right now is my pregnancy. I am anticipating these next 5-weeks or so til I can tell everyone because I've passed that dreaded window. I'm trying not to be scared or too fixated on it but I am definitely feeling realistic about the fact that there's no guarantee I'll carry this baby to full term. We are trying to take

one

step

at

a

time.

We are praying that way too; praying for a fetus, since technically right now, it's an embryo. May seem strange, but it's how I'm coping, and how my honey is keeping me grounded. He's the best.

I've had one more day where I didn't feel so well, which was because I didn't sleep much the night before my doctor's visit on Thursday. They "confirmed" my pregnancy by doing the same pee test I did at home...um, ok. I was kind of expecting a blood test or something, and maybe for my doctor to be there (she wasn't, they didn't tell me until after I had peed in the cup......"oh, did you have questions?" WTH). I did have questions for my doctor, but went blank trying to contain my frustration when they told me like I should know she's not there on Thursdays. Of course I have questions, I'm pregnant! For the first time!

Anyways, I have told those I'm closest to and those that are in our lives most: sister-friends, parents, youth group leaders, most coworkers, and his sister knows. I am waiting to tell my siblings for another week or two, and he's doing the same with his two best friends. It's funny the difference between guys and girls. I would've preferred to not tell parents yet, because his parents are going to tell the whole family and I had to ask my parents to not do so (we're not as close) but I have a way to go before I'm in the safer zone. I will just dread recontacting to inform them if I do have a miscarriage.

It's gonna be a crawl for now; I'll be 7-weeks on Sunday, with many more to go. :)

Time flies and yet it crawls

Just chillin' here on a Saturday after a lot of deep sleep - much needed. I always surprise myself with how much time passes between my blogs. I wish I would get on here ever couple days, but that turns into a week...or two....or more. That's the part where time flies.

The part where time crawls is when I'm anticipating things, like visiting Seattle. (Other things are in the works, but that will be revealed at a later time.) It's June already but we have almost 3 more months until we get to see our families and watch his sister get married. It's gonna be an eventful visit home, that's for sure. All his family will be there, and I've already notified my family that I'm going to be there at the end of August and I want to see each of them.

I am looking forward to summer here though too; warmer waters, better south shore swells. Yesterday was a fireworks display basically based right out past Queens break. We were out earlier and saw the boats, wondering what they were doing hanging out so close to shore. Later we were watching tv and started hearing the explosions, which was normal for a Friday night since the lu'au down the street has them every Friday, but this time we could see the flashes. We ran down - I didn't even take time to put slippers on, lol - and we made it to the beach to catch most of the show up close and personal. It was an awesome display, better than probably any show I've seen in person. There were a few kinds I had never seen before, even smiley faces. As we were about to walk home, there was a tourist family who asked for a picture to be taken so we did of course, but then got to talking with them for about half an hour just about there trip, where they were from, and what they should do for the rest of their stay here. Random, but awesome for sure. J and I aren't the most outgoing people, but I like when we step out of our shyness, even if it's brief.

♥ a hui hou

P.S. My gato has not come home or been found. This is a huge point of tension between me and my mom. Long story short, I don't want to give up, they do. :'(