Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

See you at the crossroads...

I've known this day was coming. It's not like I could ever forget it. People have been talking about it on Facebook, reposting pictures. I don't know what was going on inside me that I went about my business, but this afternoon was when it all hit me.

Jamila Renea Alba passed away 1-year ago on July 7, 2009.

My niece. My brother's youngest daughter at the time. A 14-year old girl. Rest in peace, girl. We miss you more than words can express.

I honestly can't believe how much it still hurts when I really let it sink in. I'm extra hormonal right now, but I can feel the pain deep in my heart, not just the tears on my cheeks. And I can feel the pain from my family, who I'm so far away from right now. That doesn't make it easier.

As corny as it sounds, what really got through to me today was Bone-Thugs-n-Harmony's song, "Tha Crossroads." It made me think of all the unnecessary deaths in the hood and just that thug lifestyle; it made me thankful that I got my life straight and away from those situations. But I also was reminded how many people in my life I lost just last year, especially Jamila. I don't think I've cried this hard since it happened. It's amazing how love really doesn't die, so the pain when you lose someone you love never really dies either.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

There goes that funk again...

Aloha,

I've been in a bit of a funk again, for various reasons I'm sure. One reason is because the clouds have been rolling in a bit, and less sunshine means less energy and smiles from me. My husband just asked me the other day how I survived living in Seattle for so long, lol. Between the lack of sunshine and lack of heat, it is quite amazing. Another funk property to add to the equation is that it is pre-that-time-of-the-month, yep, pretty much always low around this time. Emotional too; I was watching ABDC and crying at anything inspirational or life struggle they discussed - gEEz Louise. 

A big downer though is that there was another death in the family: the mother of two of my half siblings did pass away about a week ago. I can't believe this year. I'm seeing death not only in my family but in the families of a few friends as well. It's such a crazy life stage to be in where so many people are getting married and there's babies being born, yet we also experience more death than we probably ever have as well. How can it ever balance? I say I trust God with my life and the lives of those I love but then why doesn't that bring me more comfort when I'm faced with death? I cling even more to those lives around me and even my own, rather than clinging more to Him.

On a lighter note...

My hubby and I both have the next 3-days off together. The goal is to finally use those left over time share vacation points. I did try to get to Seattle, but that was out of the question financially and points-wise because it's "peak" season. This fact also made me a little sad but I know I'll visit home soon enough. We didn't get around to booking anything locally last week (because we were catching plenty choice waves) but we'll be calling tomorrow morning first thing to book a hotel somewhere on O'ahu, preferably a different shore than ours. Hopefully it'll be somewhere we can surf, but if not, either way we'll have mucho quality time. Love it. 

I've had a lot of quality phone time with my lady friends back home, which has been great. I had a phone date almost every day the last 5-days! So good. I miss my friends and family a lot, and am so thankful to be able to keep in touch as much as I have been. I'm feelin' the love and I hope they are too. 

Well, I feel like most of this funk was shook off today - more sun, time with boo, phone date, a walk, a workout, and I finally smashed the mosquito that's been chewing up my arms and legs. (sUckA!)  

***45-minutes later***

So I got the mosquito and I was all glad right? WELL that was short-lived as I look up and scurrying across a side table is a cockroach. About 3/4 of an inch long, not huge but ew. Not adjusted to seeing those guys and probably never will be. I grabbed the Raid can and sprayed him once. He got to the couch and I sprayed him again, then I lost him. I hunted that thing for a while and sprayed around the whole apartment...moved the couch, the table, covered and sealed every bit of food or spices we have, double-checked each area of the apartment. Took me a while to realize he was on his back behind the couch, dying. I drowned him in Raid to make sure, and have checked on it every 5-minutes to make sure I finished the job. The puddle around it should do the trick. Now that I've thoroughly sanitized my hands and all food zones, I guess I can sleep. I'm worn out.