Weaning

Well Kole is down to nursing only about 4 times per day now. It's a good thing cuz he seems to accept when I offer food rather than "mum-mums." i definitely don't offer anymore unless it's all we have while we're out. Today he didn't nurse from about 9am until 10pm. Luckily my body has adjusted to less feedings so I'm just going with the flow.

A part of me really didn't wanna quit breastfeeding. It's such a special time with him. Then another part of me is ready, I guess...kinda. I want him to be getting the most/best calories that he can and if that's not from me, then I am happy to feed him something else. I've rarely felt burdened by breastfeeding on demand. It's been a great thing for us and I hope I'm this successful with future children.

It's weaning for both of us; a new chapter in our relationship as he transitions to more of a separate person from Mama. Only the first of many things I'll have to let go of in his life as he grows up. *sigh*

The Boy Walks

It's official, the boy walks. He's been playing with the idea for at least a month now but as of the last couple days he is really walking around. He wants to wear his shoes/slippers, and he will walk alone to explore but often prefers to hold a hand and show us the way. I'm loving it (even though I know chasing him down is not far away).

Precious moment of the day (maybe the whole month): As we were walking through the mall today, one hand in daddy's hand and the other in mine, Kole stops and lets go. He needed to dance! He got a lil jiggy, then grabbed our hands again, an we continued on our way. &hearts LOVE

I'm ready for bed (full day recap)

Today was long. Kole woke up early cuz he went to bed super early the night before. Then we had to all get going early to pick up our Nanang. It's been a while since we had her here and she is leaving next week for a month. We stopped by Safeway and AT&T then headed home to make sure Kole got his nap. He eventually napped and Nanang joined him after a we all ate. I was excited to catch a nap for myself when I all of a sudden realized it was just about 2:30 - the time when we were supposed to be at the doctor for a 15-month well visit. Aaah! Called and got it bumped to 2:45 but had to wake the baby and run out the door still.

He was not happy. And then he was real mad at me and the car seat. And he was beyond pissed when he had to lie down to be examined. Then he screamed nonstop when he was getting his 3 booster shots. I nursed him for comfort and a quick meal since he hadn't eaten since we interrupted his nap. Finally, to top it all off, he needed a blood draw. Not one arm, but both arms were punctured since he was slightly dehydrated and they couldn't get a vein, at which time he proceeded to puke on both the lab ladies, daddy, the chair, the floor, and himself. My poor baby bear. We were all emotionally exhausted after that one.

Of course, he also fights me and the car seat on our short trip home. This was to be the last driving with him for the day. We did walk to the beach though, which always cheers him up. He had lots of fun with his new sand toys and even met a lil friend. The baby and his mom didn't speak English but I guess that's the beauty of watching babies interact; they don't speak much of any language but they communicate plenty.

We stopped at a farmer's market on the way home from the beach, then J brought Nanang home. I nursed a fussy Kole and he soon after fell asleep in my arms. Thought it would be a quick one so I held him rather than put him down.....an hour and a half later I set him down. He didn't even wake up when I started chopping and cooking in the kitchen.

Basically he woke up for a little bit and we tried to feed him and failed then we put him to bed - twice (he woke up after 5 minutes the first time).

Watched some classy reality tv and ate some awesome arrozcaldo (with calamansi from Nanang) and mango for dessert. Yup, I'm so ready for bed.

Going to beach now

Sent from my iPad

Can't wait to get my mug!

  Collage Mug

Shutterfly cards for Mother's Day, Valentines Day, Birthdays & more.

View the entire collection of cards.

The sting of the plank

Just discovered a preverbal plank in my eye. It's not necessarily a sinful one, but still a case of specks, planks and/or looking in the mirror.

My friend is going through some thangs and is feeling alone - that no one can relate to their situation. I always say just because we don't feel some one has experienced the exact same thing doesn't mean you're alone. I still believe this, and know that we all have our own struggles and life stories that aren't identical to anyone else's. However, I seem to doubt a certain person who promises to know my pain and bear my shame: Jesus.

I read and "know" that God hurts when I hurt, but do I live out that knowledge? Do I believe in my heart that he loves me more than myself when he allowed injustice to scar me? Honestly, I hold doubt on this. I can even say I know I'm wrong for this doubt. BUT I still wonder why I had to be shamed in this way and how can Jesus truly understand me when he was never a pervert's prey. Of course he was shamed, and he was violated...but was he molested? No, he wasn't.

The more questions I ask, the more I'm assured that he truly can relate to my hurt. He had no family or friend to turn to. He had no protection from his fate. He was shamed (more than me) - publicly humiliated and even murdered. He felt exposed and abandoned.

I wish I could've been like Him and not sinned out of my disgrace (adding more poo to the pile). That's the real difference between me and Him; not that I was sexually molested and He wasn't.

And yet still, I do wonder why. Why doesn't God stop the injustice? Why does he allow his children to be robbed of dignity? I may never get an answer that satisfies or settles my heart. I can only grow in faith and an understanding of what it means to receive Grace after tragedy. I can only allow my life, from enslaved brokenness to bold freedom, be a light and example the healing process and of why we need to know Jesus to get through it.

Life happens so quickly

I am sure that I'll never be able to fully keep up with life - or my son! They both don't take any breaks. They're both a gift from heaven.

Not that life is always great, but when I really invest in it, and try to live it the way God intended, it just makes the bad things smaller and the good things that much better. Currently I'm going through some healing from my childhood. It's wounds I've dressed before and thought might have actually been healed, but some scars run deep and I'm goin' in after them! Thankful to have a sister to walk through the mud with.

The timing is truly God, as I also was asked to participate in our church's Easter service this coming Sunday to share a snippet of my hardship but more importantly how God comes through in those times. Luckily it's not a speaking role or anything, God will speak through me anyway.

On a other very exciting note, my son took some little steps today! Very first time! He was trying to walk towards me in the bathroom and took 2 timid, cute little steps. Then he did it again and thankfully daddy was watching the second time. So thankful he was here to see it too! I was shocked at how happy I felt for this to happen. I joke about how I'm not in a hurry for him to walk cuz I know I'll really be chasing him down - kind of joking but kind of serious. In the end, I guess I'm more excited for him to learn new things and develop new skills. He's so precious to me, and his triumphs feel like mine too.

Who know how soon until he takes off running on his own. He's trying to talk more and more too these days. He babbles with such intent on what he's saying, it's super cute. I love hearing him experiment with sounds and inflection. He even signs a couple things, which is helpful for daily communication rather than whining for everything. (Not a fan.) He can sign "thirsty", "ball", and "all done." He understands "eat" I think. He understands so well when we talk to him too. Their brains really are sponges!

So much happens in the daily life of a toddler; it definitely keeps me on my toes! I'm still learning to really grab some me-time. I did finally get out for a ladies night and we saw Anjelah Johnson. Felt awesome to get out! I've been trying to get a break more consistently, and my hubby and I are even putting more effort into trying to have a date every once in a while. We don't know how to date each other anymore and that's not so good. My healing process will benefit us both in the end, and I'm so looking forward to it.

"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." (Philippians 3:12 NLT)