Bittersweet Mama

I took Kole to the beach just me and him he other day and he was so excited. He would sit in the water and play all by himself. He giggles as he kicked his feet in the wet sand and somehow rotated as he did it. The cutesy thing ever. I really need a waterproof case for my camera!

People were kinda fascinated that this little man loved the ocean so much. He isn't scared even though he can't walk it swim haha.


Today we were playing games in his iPad and there were animals and sounds. When the pig came on and oinked, he snorted too! Things like that melt my heart because it's bittersweet: he's so smart but he's growing up so fast. He even walked with daddy only holding one hand today. *le sighhh*

Stayed home all day today. Just had no motivation to go anywhere. Feels good to stay home sometimes but today I felt blah all over I guess. It didn't help that my dear son was having a rough day himself - which always means my day will be that much harder. He just seems to be entering the willful defiance stage. You know, testing the waters, pushing me to my limits. He'll do something until the very moment I'm about to grab him, or he'll listen until I turn away or blink and start up again. Oh man, this boy.

I'm sure I need to get off my butt more often now that he's so mobile (and sure to walk in the next month or two). We'll make it a routine to spend some time at the beach most days since that's his favorite place anyway.

I wanna add in some art time for him too; it's in his blood to be artistic. We tried out some crayons with him today and he loved it. As long as I keep him occupied he's happy; he really needs it and asks for it. Plus I gotta wear him out so he'll nap better, lol. He's such a boy.

I ♥ my boy!!



Been trying to utilize the art stuff my mama gave me for Christmas in my spare* time. Got a thing for peacock feathers lately, so I want to get good at drawing them. I've always liked them but my interest has been peaking more recently. I love the vibrant, rich colors of the feathers, and the shape is elegant and even something sensual about it. Whatever it is about them, I'm exploring their beauty with different mediums. First I did colored pencils (Prismacolor), then tonight I tried crayons (Crayola).

I like the first one better since I had more options for colors with the pencils. It was fun working with crayons though. Don't think to play with those too often. That's one fun part about having kids: you get to relive some of those fun childhood elements all over again.

*Spare time is defined as time I occasionally choose to indulge myself when I should probably be cleaning up, cooking, napping or all of the above.

I feel the clock ticking

It's less than three weeks until Kole's birthday and even less time until we'll be in leaving for Seattle. I'm feeling the pressure to get a million things done the way I want them to be done. I'm not always good at deadlines but I really do try most the time. Today I got a little bit done on a special guest book I'm getting printed for the party. I need to finish that and a video/slideshow too.

There really aren't enough hours in a day. We ran some errands at the mall and lost track of time. The boy got a late nap and was quite a challenge to put down for bed even though it was 2 hours past his normal bed time. Now it's late and I should be sleeping soon but I need to sort my upcoming tasks, jot down a couple lists of things we need, clean the kitchen and the living room...I should also fold the laundry buuuuut that will have to wait until tomorrow.

It's so true that a woman's work is never done, especially moms. I hope someday I'll learn to work the hours we're given. Until then I'll just keep living off minimal sleep.

Good night!

Hau'oli Makahiki Hou 2012

I don't think 2011 could've passed by any faster. My life exploded with the birth of my son and the purchase of our first home. Both of those things come with ups and downs. I can honestly say that I liked 2011. How could I not feel blessed?

We've been living in our condo for four months now and homeownership is clearly a crash course. First time home owners should read a book about the aches and pains from buying and living in your own home. I mean, I know there are books out there, but I wouldn't have read one. How would I know who I could relate to until it actually happens? That's how I think about it anyway. So yeah, love having our own place and even like we can feel settled a little more. Not loving the expenses that come with an aging building, but you gotta take the bad with the good. Happy to have space for our guests (which we've had a lot of in the last month), and even just the basics like a full kitchen, a bedroom with a door, and space for my son to play.

Speaking of the boy, he is almost a year old already. I am fighting the urge to keep him my tiny little baby. I know he has to continue to grow and develop, but I also know I'll spend his whole life wishing I could hold him in my arms just a few seconds longer. He melts my heart, brings me pride and joy, and irritates me all in the same day - just like any other love I guess. But really, he is more than I imagined, better than I ever prayed for. God is good.

Which brings me to my first goal of the year: to renew my commitment to God. I failed this year. No excuses, just made more choices to do my own thing rather than pursue the one thing that will truly fill my cup.

A second goal: to blog more. I still have been mini-journaling in my phone, but I want to do more. I want to share more. I want to reach out more (Third goal). I am not sure how this will all look in my daily life, but I know that as I work on my first goal, God, that all other things will fall into place.

Happy New Year! It's gonna be a good one!

P.S. Another possible goal: I might try to be more physically active for physical and mental health, but that is not a big priority at this point.

6-months: letter to baby bear

Dear baby boy;

In the morning you will be 6-months old. I am one proud mama. I love you so much - before you were even conceived. I know I'm not a perfect mom but I know God made me to be yours. I thank Him every day for that. You are such a blessing to me and your daddy, and we are so excited to watch you grow and develop. It's almost happening too fast sometimes.

Thank you for your contagious laughter and smile that has changed my life. You are my most precious gift and most rewarding challenge. Only six months have passed...wow! Can't wait for our family adventures over the next six more (and more and more and more).

Love,
Yo mama

P.S. Hope you like the veggies I'm gonna make today.

Feeling truly blessed to have a healthy child. He's happy and active, and really overall an easy baby. Makes me wonder how our next one would be; can't have two easy ones in a row! We'll see whenever that time comes. For now I'm enjoying and just in awe of this little boy that I get to care for. So thankful I can still breastfeed exclusively. We're starting to introduce solids but he's growing steadily on what he gets from me so far. :)

Being a mom is what I've waited for. It's a challenge but I LOVE IT. At times I still struggle with my own selfishness and my temper flares but God is molding me into a better mom and woman everyday. I have to remember that time flies and I will miss these moments once their gone, so i should savour them now. They will go just as fast whether I do or not.

Yesterday was our anniversary: 4 years. They have flown by, dunno where time went but glad to have spent it with him. This new chapter in our lives (starting family) is entered with trust and excitement and joy. He's my best friend and I can't imagine anyone else more perfect for me.

Thank goodness we have a strong relationship cuz we have been stressing about the bank, financing, and just buying this condo. I know need so much faith. I need to pray and listen and wait on Him. He never fails and I know this but I always try to convince myself otherwise. Why??

Alive and well

Nope, I didn't die in childbirth. I'm alive and well. I haven't posted here but I've been journaling in my cell phone, which I'll copy-paste here asap. I'm just barely gaining a balance in this new life as a mom to where I can make or find time to do things aside from being a mom and wife. Baby steps.

How can I sum up the last 6-months? I guess I would say it's been an exhausting dream come true. I LOVE being mama. My hubby and I are closer in many ways since we have worked as a team raising and caring for our son. (We're not as close in other ways buuuuut that's normal for now I guess, Lol.) This new chapter in our lives hasn't been easy but it has made me feel that much more complete. I've known I wanted to be a mama and to devote my time and energy to the job that it is.

On top of our regular stuff we're also in the process of closing on a condo nearby. What a stressful process, but it will also be worth it if we can get a place of our own. That will be another dream fulfilled.



God has been so good to me, and I am continuously in awe of His provision and plans for us. More later...the boy is waking up. :)