Feeling Heavy

Today was eventful to say the least. A murder-suicide hits too close to home. Then our state's senate began a special session which infringes on the rights of many while granting "equal" rights to the LGBT community (SB1). I guess I'm not feeling safe on a number of levels tonight as I try to fall asleep. I've always known I'd be bearing and raising children in a world that's far from Pleasantville. There's a false sense of safety we adopt as we turn blind eyes from the evil around us. As we avoid the "bad" neighborhoods and lock our doors at night. 

Even as we attempt to censor what hits our children's senses, we cannot make sense of the stench of this world's insensitivity to our ideals.

And they don't want our 2-cents. We weren't offered a ballot, but a minute on a microphone. A mic that was passionately pleaded into to no avail. Truly our state will suffer as their haste subscribes us all to culture of reverse discrimination. I didn't sign up for this. Native Hawaiians didn't sign up for this. The church didn't sign up for this. 

This special session is wrong on so many levels. I can only continue to pray and trust that God is in control. This presents such a unique opportunity to grow in love and find new ways to demonstrate WWJD. Get ready for growing pains!

As for the gun shots only 3 floors away from me...it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that someone needed help but couldn't see a way out aside from a pistol. My heart breaks for the family that lost a daughter/sister/niece/friend. And a  man without the will to live is being healed at the hospital so he can be sent to jail. I hope he meets Jesus in his time left on Earth. It breaks my heart to relive the fear as those shots rang out, and my son startled from sleep screaming for a hug. It breaks my heart that my false sense of safety between concrete walls has been uncloaked, and my Pleasantville defaced.

Thankfully I don't live in a place where guns are heard frequently. And I am still thankful for those concrete walls. Thankfully I listened to Joyce Meyer talk about being a prisoner of Hope this morning; God knew I'd need it. Thankfully I can be thankful through all of this. And I have Jesus to thank for that.

He > i

Dear Baby Girl...

Wow, you're almost 2 months old! Time doesn't stop flying by, especially with having two of you kids now. You and your brother are so sweet together. You already watch him running around, and we can tell you like it when he kisses you (even if it's hard). 

You are more precious to me each day I spend with you. There are times you give me the biggest smile and it makes my day. I can't wait to hear you laugh! 

Everyone notices how strong you are and how much neck control you have already. Go girl! You may be getting a tooth already, but we're not quite sure. Early just like me and your brother. Sorry, lol. You're eyes are still blue and you are pretty much bald. You're hair is coming in (along with longer eyelashes) but I think we'll be waiting a little longer for those eyes to change. 

Your daddy and I have had a hard time deciding who you look like but we're being told more and more that you look like daddy, especially when he was a baby. You're much lighter of course, but that's from grandma's side. Can't wait to see how your beauty will blossom as you grow.

Love you mucho!

Yo Mama

P.S. Thanks for sleeping 5-7 hours straight most nights! :) Mama like.

3 + 1 = 4!

We are officially a family of 4. Almost a whole month has passed already. It's been a fairly smooth transition thanks to my wonderful familia. 

My hubby has been more than awesome, taking over most responsibilities here at home. I feel so loved and taken care of, and even spoiled! I am anxious for the day he goes back to work. I rely on him a lot and I don't have the most confidence in myself to do as good a job with the kids as we do together all day. Praying!

Our son (2 1/2) has been the absolute best big brother! We're so proud of him. From day 1 he has been sweet and helpful. What a blessing. It melts my heart when he hugs and kisses her all on his own. He gets a little overwhelmed sometimes when she cries, but still tries to calm her down. We're trying to make sure he gets time with me to maintain his security and continue to avoid jealousy. I miss him as much as he misses me though! We had a date night just me and him the other night; this will be a regular thing.

Our baby girl (almost 4 weeks) has been great too. She has been a much better sleeper than her big brother was, especially at night. This has made all the difference. I can feel sane if I'm getting a reasonable amount of rest. Sleep with a newborn around is always broken, but its amazing how good you can feel off spurts of 3-4 hours of sleep in a row. LOL 

She's putting on weight well and eating up a storm. I can tell she's growing every day. She's starting to have more awake time, and tracking us when we talk. It's all familiar, remembering how babies are, but kinda new at the same time.

Home stretch?

Just playing the waiting game with our lil lady now. Saw my doc today and there still hasn't been much of any progression for a couple weeks now. Boo. I think I'm ready now - as for hubby, he'll take another week lol. A few more days will be good so big brother can get over his cold, I guess.

Can't help but think that tomorrow is 10-days til due date, and that's when our son was born. So tonight I'll be extra on guard for signs of labor I'm sure haha. I'm having some pretty painful cramps now actually...hmmmmmm. 

I guess I'm feeling more ready cuz I'm feeling more peace about her arrival. Labor is still scary but once we bring her home I can picture it all working out a little more than I had been dreading most this time. I know it won't be easy but I think we should definitely be excited for this new child we'll have, especially since our first is such a huge joy in our lives.

Tick tock... Tick tock.

Prego blues

Feeling super whack. Pretty much just low. Week 35 has been the longest yet I think. I'm just getting more and more tired, which leaves me less than productive, which makes me stressed, which makes me more stressed cuz there's nothing I can really do about it. Sometimes coffee helps, sometimes not. I don't wanna drink a lot anyway. 

I wanna listen to my body and simply rest, but I have things I'd like to get done, and I have a 2-year old. He's a good boy but he has more energy than I can entertain these days. I feel bad I can't take him out like I used to, or even play as much or the way we used to. It's frustrating for him too, but probably more for me. 

I would really love a couple days to zone out, guilt free. Sleep whenever I feel the need, no cleaning or cooking, etc. I don't see that happening but it sounds nice. Even if life allowed it, I probably couldn't keep from feeling guilty about doing nothing. Boo.

36 weeks tomorrow. As lame as I feel I do pray she stays in at least another week, and comes out when she'll be most healthy.

35 weeks already!

Well even though my due date is a little over a month away, I'll be considered full term in less than 2 weeks. That is a trip. I have a sense of urgency like she could come any day from this point on. Never know, but I do hope we make it to 37 weeks for her sake (weight gain, development, etc). I have enough done that she could come and I might not freak out. Haha, might not.

My second pregnancy has been so different than the first. I'm blessed to have had few complications again, but I just feel more uncomfortable and I'm bigger. I know this cuz I've outgrown most the things I wore last time! I think I weigh about the same though, just more stretched out I guess. Having a 2-year old has made this harder too. I am beyond blessed that he's such a good kid. I can't imagine how it would be with a true rascal. Seeing him interact with my tummy, and get excited when she moves, and how he likes to look at her sonogram pictures warms my heart so deep. I believe he's gonna be such a great big brother! He already shows concern for her. One time when we went to see fireworks at Magic Island, once they started he looked back and said "Oh, baby" as if to check on her. Too sweet. Back in 2nd trimester I tried to wear my belly support (which I always forget now) but he would say "No! Baby!" all pull on it. I just love this kid. She will be one lucky lil lady.

She isn't short of extended family either. Our church ohana just threw us a shower and I didn't expect it. They definitely showed us the love, and I needed it. Been feeling a bit lonely, missing my friends on the mainland, and just having a friend to hang out with for no reason. But anyways, that's another story for another time. Thankful for the gifts and love from our people here for sure. 

Okay, time to rest my mushy brain til the boy wakes up.

How a fart stopped a fire

Really, it's true! It went like this...

I started the rice cooker a few minutes before my son and I went to take our nap. I knew we would be asleep when hubby woke up to go to work and might want some rice to go with whatever he eats. I do this all the time. I will never do it again.

This afternoon the boy was a little more resistant for his nap. He was rolling around, talking, and trying to play. At one point he said, "Big doo doo." I asked if he needed/wanted to use the potty, but no. I told him just sleep then. I was trying to sleep until I got a whif of something. Geez! The last thing I wanna do is clean up some poo; I'm ready to sleep. Why did you have to go now? 

I got up to get wipes since there were none in the room and immediately I could smell something burning. My first thought was, what are the neighbors cooking (or burning)? But it was so strong I got more curious and concerned, and went to investigate the kitchen. Did I leave something on? I hadn't even cooked since breakfast. Then I noticed the rice cooker was still switched to "cook" but it had been going for almost an hour by then and should be been on "warm." I gave the switch a little tap and it went to "warm." Too late buddy! The rice touching the pot was burning. I added some water to cool it faster but I have yet to see the mess it's created inside. This has never happened! I'm guessing we need a new rice cooker because it's not worth the risk.

When I went back to change that diaper, there was no poo! He must have just carte. But his fart averted a potential disaster! Hooray for timely flatulence!