I am not a statistic

Statistically, I am more likely to...

become an alcoholic or drug addict

be in an abusive relationship

get a divorce

suffer from depression or other psychological disorder

abuse my own children in some way

commit a crime and end up in jail

have difficulty with close relationships

have difficulty holding a job

...BUT statistics got nothin' on the Grace of God.

I am free from the hurts and sins of my past, and the bondage that statistics like these can hold over our heads. Healing is a lifelong process but I am not healing myself; the love of God heals me daily. I am not alone. I am not a statistic.

Some references:

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics

http://www.yesican.org/stats.html

http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/statistics-about-children-and-divorce.html

Pregnant eyes

The things I see from pregnant eyes. The world is different these days - maybe I should say, the way the world interacts with me and the way I interpret the world is different I guess. People around us always have expectations of what we should or shouldn't do, look like, act like, feel like, or want, but it's a new set of "things" since I'm pregnant.

People expect I should be bigger. I must be smaller than the average 5-month pregnant lady (so I hear...every day). But really, I'm smaller than the average lady too! I don't take it personal but it's just one of those things you hear every time you talk to someone and it gets old sometimes. I'm only having one baby, and he's 75% Filipino; he probably won't be that big by the time he comes out either. Cute though, that's for sure.

Another thing I'm more conscious of is my wedding ring. I always want to wear it and don't like going out anytime without it, but with this baby bump I feel like I would be judged more harshly appear like I'm an unmarried pregnant girl (especially since I look so young). It makes me think of my friends or family that have babies outside of marriage and I can understand how they felt more so with all those eyes on them. I know not everyone cares, but it's just something that pops into my head these days.

I'm also body-conscious for the first time really in my life. I'm blessed to never have weight issues and even when I had a little extra I liked it and was (over)confident. I'm feeling better now that it's pretty obvious I'm pregnant and not sporting a full-on beer/nacho/pot belly. But deep down that goes back to me caring what people are thinking when they look at me. What if I do have a pot belly? What if I do drink a lot of beer? I dunno... The other thing is feeling good in my clothes. I have enough outfits for now that I can wear and feel good in. I love my clothes and I miss my jeans, but I'm proud to show off my growing baby boy. I just wanna be comfortable while doing it. Luckily I do have an amazing husband supporting me and encouraging me every day. He's seriously the best; more than I ever imagined. Thank you God!

Something more from my perspective is that I notice pregnant women every day. It's kinda like when you start driving a certain car, you notice how many of them are already on the road, haha. I like it though. It's like a sisterhood, like you're not alone and you can instantly relate to that woman in some way no matter how far along she is. It's nice when there's a couple of us at the beach too, cuz I think we can give each other the confidence to be out there, bellies and all.

Blurrrrrrr

Our trip to Seattle was such a b l u r. I am amazed at how fast 10-days can go by. All the family is feeling it - a sort of sadness like it all ended too soon. A lot happened except for just being together. If only we could get together again sooner than later, but life is too demanding I guess.

I'm kind of back into the swing of things here in the islands. I have barely unpacked and haven't done any laundry, but like I said, life is swinging already. Both of us have been back to work and running errands and trying to spend our own quality time. I need that for sure.

As for Baby, he is growing. I feel it inside and out. I'm showing more consistently (not just after I eat), and I gained 5-pounds in Seattle which actually catches me up to be more of the weight I should be at by now. On Sunday I'll be 20-weeks a.k.a. 5-MONTHS pregnant! Time is flying, and it's sinking in how much our lives will be altered in just 4 short months. Whoa. I'm so thankful for all the love and support we're receiving from family and friends. Not only are we excited for our baby boy, but so many around us are sharing that excitement too and it feels good.

...still waiting for that first kick...

Not a vacation

This trip to Seattle has been nothing but on-the-go. From pre-wedding to day-of-wedding to post-wedding and even a surprise baby shower on the day of the wedding...I'm exhausted. I got mad love for all the family in town, and I actually wish for more down time together but that will have to wait for a reunion that doesn't revolve around the highly anticipated wedding of my hubby's sister.

[pic: our cake! made for us for the surprise baby shower]

The wedding was a lot of fun and surprisingly low stress on our end. We weren't in it (just the family procession) so I'm sure we missed any of those mishaps that weddings are famous for. Good food, lots of dancing, and almost no clean-up: awesome.

[pic: me and the bride]

My boo left yesterday, which was hard for me, but as I predicted I will only now begin to spend time with my own family. Thankfully they've been patient and understanding. One evening with my siblings and the baby shower with my friends is all I got left, besides the in between times while I'm chillin' at my mom's. Another blessing is that the newly married sister-in-law has granted me access to her car while they are honeymooning. Wish we had that freedom this whole time! But we survived.

Off to run errands with mama! :)

The latest

Just had my monthly check-in with my doctor and as usual I didn't get in the exam room for 45+ minutes after I got there and the reception girl was rude and incompetent as ever. Oh well... My doctor did apologize and seemed sincerely bothered I had been out there so long, but we wait an average of 20-30 minutes every time we've gone so I dunno. I always feel better after we get in there and get to talk about the baby and stuff.

I'm going to be 17-weeks along on Sunday. I've only gained 3-pounds but that's 2 in the last month so I guess I'm on the right track. Been spending a lot of time looking at boy names and researching meanings, popularity, sounding it out with our last name and potential middle names. Boys names are so hard! I could probably pick one, but my hubby and I have yet to agree. Good thing we have about 5-months to argue - I mean "decide". ;)

Trying to prepare for our visit home. We need to decide what we'll wear to the wedding and how to pack the stuff we're bringing back (like clothes we haven't worn since we moved here), and even trying to have a tentative itinerary with family and friends; all that fun stuff. I wish I could pack now haha but I don't want my stuff to get all musty staying in the suitcase too long or be perma-wrinkled. I'm just excited, well also anxious because our time is so divided; not only between both families - which is lopsided since there is a wedding on his side - but there are dear friends we would love to spend quality time with that I hope works out. I extended my stay which is gives me slightly more flexibility, but it also separates me from my love for 4 days. It's so hard to be apart from him. I'm glad we both feel that way after all this time though. That's a blessing I'll never take for granted.

♥

It's a BOY!

We've been waiting for this day for 5 weeks! Our last appointment was too early to tell what the sex was, plus the back was turned most of the time. I asked the little one a few times up until today for some cooperation and thankfully we got it today: legs wide open for us to see the goods, lol.

My honey is very happy to have a boy first. He definitely wants a daughter, but a boy first. I have always always wanted a son, but once I found out I was pregnant, I didn't feel any preference, which was surprising to me. All I know is I was overjoyed to hear, "It's definitely a boy." I had to hold back most of my tears the whole appointment so I could listen and watch - didn't want to miss a thing. The doc was koo and pointed out specific sections of the brain and the chambers of the heart (so cool). He let us know the spine, heart, and brain are looking good but we won't know the full results for anomalies using the pics and my blood draw for about another week. I was just glad to see that heart beating strong and our little baby boy being so active still. ♥

Date day!

Usually my hubby and I plan an afternoon/evening where it's just us and we spend quality time: date night. We have fallen out of any routine over here in Hawai'i since we have so much time together in general but we still declare certain nights "date night." Today was an entire date day and it was awesome.

We woke up late in the morning but early enough to have a packed day. We decided it on dim sum for breakfast, which we haven't gone out for specifically since we've lived here so it was kind of exciting. The place we ate at in China town was just okay. The food was definitely fresh but we ordered some fried rice that I could tell I didn't need to eat any of.

Then we stopped by Kalihi to visit his grandma who just got back from the Philippines. She wasn't home so we hung out with his Uncle for a bit before we headed to out on our road trip.

With full tummies still full we headed west. We haven't spent much time at all on the Leeward side but wanted to explore a little today. We drove through Waipahu and Waianae and finally stopped at a Makaha beach. It was so quiet and so hot. We didn't stay long at all and decided we needed more familiarity (and shade).

It has been a while since we hit up Hale'iwa town so we got back on the freeway, northbound. It was nice to get back up there, especially since things are calmer up there with the winter swells hibernating. Passing through the pineapple fields, I sang songs to entertain my boo. First stop in Hale'iwa was Raging Isle. We shopped a bit and each got some shorts; his for surfing, mine with a partially expandable waistband for my expanding tummy. :)

I was happy to catch the post office and finally buy my stamps I've been saying I need to buy for almost a week. Then I spotted a health food store and knew I'd find something yummy and nutritious for that expanding tummy. Inside there is a health bar called Paradise Found Cafe; all vegetarian menu, which I can do on occasion. I ordered what turned out to be an awesome avocado sandwich. Loved it. We also got an acai bowl to share for the road. Just a block away was the shrimp truck awaiting my honey's bottomless stomach. We ate and were fully satisfied with our Hale'iwa treats.

Our final north shore stop-off was Ehukai beach park. We just layed in the sand and looked at cools shells. J went for a quick swim but the sun was too low for me by that point. I needed the exercise but we figured it's not worth the shivers that I'd get. It was so relaxing on the beach, especially compared to the chaos we usually have around us at Waikiki. Very nice close to our long day - which technically wasn't over.

We still needed to visit his adorable grandma back in Kalihi. We headed there for dinner and to catch up with her. I was pleasantly surprised that she had cooked sinigang for us (with bangos)! Definitely one of my favorite soups. After refusing to eat all the food she pulled out of the fridge for us as usual, we sat on the couch and watched funny Filipino tv together. It's always nice to spend time with his grandma; she's the nicest old lady ever.

I started to dose off on my hubby's lap and it was time to go. We took our treats she brought back for us and headed home. After a couple late night snacks (for me) and some tv, bed time never sounded so good. I'm surprised and glad I last all day without a nap or getting grumpy. Good times.